On February 20th, after a night of one too many margaritas and a fun time at the roller derby, Christopher and i were trying to get our act together to head out and start picking out stuff for our kitchen renovation. I noticed that i had missed a call on my cell. I didn't recognize the number, but my general rule of thumb is if i don't know who it is, i'm not going to be that wacko that calls back. So whatever. We were just getting ready to walk out the door at 12:32 PM and that same number tried to call again. I said to Christopher.."oh, one sec, that number is trying to call again." I pick up. My life changed forever.
"It is Patty, from Friends in Adoption." My entire body went warm and numb. The most bizarre rush happened. I knew what was happening at that moment.
"I have a case I want to talk to you about."
"OMG! Let me put you on speaker, Christopher is right here."
Patty proceeded to tell us about the case as we both listened, while our eyes were tearing up. She paused and said..."You two are so calm, are you alright?"
All i could say was.."Patty, this is 100% surreal right now. I honestly was starting to think i would never become a mother, and that i would win the lottery before this would happen."
We learned that the couple was young, that she has another son and is just struggling with raising him at 18 months, let alone raise another child. We learned the due date was in 8 short weeks, that it was a boy and that her son she is raising is named Christopher. (How is that for some irony).
We learned that they live locally to us, within the hour, that the baby will be born at the hospital where i was born, and that we wouldn't have to travel by air or train to get there. Just our good old car.
We learned that they wanted to meet us the following week. Oh. My. Shitting. Goodness. One week!!
That whole week we were wondering what to say, what to bring, what to do and how to act. We knew they have what we want. We knew our emotions had to stay at bay. We knew we had to keep quiet. We told no one that we had this meeting. I lie, my older sister whom i keep nothing from and who is my rock, we told. We were so fearful of the fact that just because we were meeting them, didn't mean we would be chosen to parent.
Fast forward to February 27th. That weekend we packed up some cookies for them, a mini album of more recent photos of us and some small toys for her son Christopher as we knew we would be meeting him. We had about an hour to drive. As we were getting closer to the diner for breakfast, Christopher started to ask me something. (I still can't remember what it was). I said..."please don't talk to me, i think i might vomit." I was so overwhelmed with so many feelings, I couldn't function.
We park the car and start to walk to the diner. My legs were shaking so hard, i thought i might fall. I was an emotional hot mess and was telling myself to keep my shit together as we walked in.
We immediately made eye contact with our caseworker and headed to the corner booth to meet the potential birth parents. "A" stood up and hugged me. I wanted to hold on so tight to her and not let go. Such a young girl at 19 with such big decisions to make. "J" shook our hands and smiled.
At first there was so much awkwardness. Thank goodness for Patty, because I didn't know what to say without over stepping boundaries or saying the wrong thing. I wanted them to like us! I sort of felt like we were in a job interview.
We were able to have some really nice small talk, and then we talked about the bigger things. We found out they looked at 10 profiles, and only wanted to meet us. We were so honored, grateful and speechless. Knowing there are so many families waiting at our agency, I'm sure it was tough for them. We asked why they chose us and they obliged. We both immediately filled up with tears and asked what they would like for their son. Such simple things that i guess i take for granted.
They also told us that they would want us to name him, since we would be parenting. They loved the name that we had picked way back 4 years ago when we first started to try and have a family.
We left about an hour and a half later wondering the what-ifs. It was such an anxiety filled day. I was just almost numb. I didn't know what to feel or think. We knew they wanted some time to decide if they wanted us to parent.
The next day, we got a phone call at about 1:30 PM. Patty called to say that "A" and "J" loved us and wanted us to parent. I broke down at my desk at my office. I cried so hard i couldn't breathe. This was really happening. All of the emotion, heartache and waiting was about to come to an end. I called my sister at work (she is a pharmacist and works until 9, so i couldn't wait) and she broke down for us. She has been the most amazing support for us throughout our time in trying to start a family, i couldn't wait until the next day to call her. I called Christopher at his job and he came to meet me at my office. I saw him, hugged him, and he just knew. I don't think we have ever hugged and just cried for that long. Ever!
The only downside to the situation was that since they live in NYS, we had to abide by their 30 day revocation period. We decided after talking with the agency, the best thing to do was to keep this very quiet. Anything could happen at anytime and we just weren't prepared to answer questions if god forbid something happened. Hiding the match was the easy part. We were able to get out of situations pretty easily and act like we were still waiting. Although we hated doing it, we wanted to protect our feelings, and the birth parents' feelings. Being fairly local, we just never knew who might know someone.
The baby was due on April 19th. Since she gave birth to her other son on the very day he was due, we figured she might deliver on time or early. Our kitchen project needed to take a severe step up so we would be sure it was complete. At this point, we had about 6 weeks, minus the potential of her going into labor early. We had a handful of loose ends to wrap up and i had tons of client work to get in order so i could take time off.
------At this point, i have so much more of the story to tell, and details to give through our wait. However, at this point, i would like to introduce you to Parker Owen, born on April 22nd. 7 lbs., 5 oz and 19.5 inches long.------
This was from a photo shoot was he was 5 days old. My great friend from Clark + Walker studio came to our house to shoot. Don't worry, there will be many more i'll show you. I just want to take my time and tell you all the great details. I just couldn't wait any longer to give you the news! I have to say, it was one of the reasons for me being so quiet around here. So much that has happened the past couple of months has revolved around our adoption and i couldn't give anything away.
OH- did i mention how hard it was to hide a baby for a month? ;-P