Hi my friends!


I just heard the best quote ever!

"When you feel like you are at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on".

Thank you all SO much for your thoughts in phone calls, emails, FB and even through my blog. I have enjoyed my time away, trying to refocus energy and to also balance work and personal time. I think i have a good handle on it.

I wanted to come back a couple of weeks ago, but i had some things getting in the way. So, i wanted to update you all.

Back in 2007 when i went off of birth control and met with my OB/GYN, he had prescribed a mammogram for me. There is a long history of breast cancer on my maternal side, including my dear grandmother and her two sisters. All were diagnosed with breast cancer, had at least one breast removed and died from the awful disease. I didn't go because we got so involved with our fertility treatments and then the adoption.

A few weeks ago i went for my annual pap and again my doctor ordered it. At 36, he preferred i not wait until 40 with the family history. I also spoke with him about my endometriosis symptoms coming back. This was the first we had discussed my dx in 2 years. He was able to completely review my paperwork and photos. He is worried about the fact that the endo. was found on my rectum. He said as common as endo, is, it isn't common there. So, he also ordered me to see a GI specialist to rule out colon cancer and be certain that the endo. is not spreading again.

With that, i was put on Lupron to suppress the endo. I asked for a hysterectomy. I mean, to be 100% honest, if i cant' get pregnant, please just put me out of my misery. He said 'no' saying he would not surgically induce menopause. Ok, fine. I went on birth control and took myself off a week later. The nausea was more than i could handle round the clock. We are going to try a new prescription.

In the meantime, i had my mammogram. Everything everyone told me was true. They hurt like the devil! Granted, it didn't last long, but for those few minutes, i was miserable. The nurse told me that if there was something to be concerned about, i would get a call.

Last week, i was driving to the GI doctor to start reviewing my history, and get a call from the hospital saying they need to see me about the mammogram and follow up with an ultrasound on my right breast. Ugh.. so on the way to one doctor, i get a call from the other. Really?

At the GI doctor, we spent an hour reviewing my history, health and endo. symptoms. She is equally concerned as my OB/GYN, so the next step is a colonoscopy next week, right before the New Year. Something to look forward to, no? LOL

I also had the followup ultrasound. After the ultrasound, the radiologist wanted more x-rays. OK, seriously. This time, she drew tears. It hurt more than the first time! Thankfully, the coast is clear. I happen to have a really fibrous breast, and now they have a baseline for me. Phew.

I will keep you posted on the appointment next week.

In other news, this week has been bittersweet. I go through days thinking that i have a better chance of winning the lottery then i do becoming a mom. There are days when i feels so close i can taste it, but then days after waiting 14 months, going on 15 now, that it just feels so far away, i'm ready to let go of the rope. I heard that saying though and it lifted my spirits.

I will tell you though, that we did buy the baby gifts. They are wrapped under the tree, with a tag that names him or her the "angel". My friend Julie who is my positive life coach has very strong feelings about this month. She encouraged us to get a few gifts for baby 'A'. I have to admit, it was fun picking out a few things!

She also told me, that this month, Christopher will revert back to some feelings he had 19 years ago. When she asked me what happened to him then, i did the math. He was 13/14. That is when he found out he was adopted by his step-father. His parents tried to hide it from him. So, we wonder if that has anything to do with our baby?

She also told us how clear things become after the eclipse. That happened early this morning.

Could these be signs?

I think i'll hang onto the rope and find out. ;-)


Heather said...

R - My thoughts are with you! :)

I'm glad the mammo came out well for you - my mom had the same issue with her mammos. She has fibrous tumors as well. Good to be on top of it!

So I've heard from a source close to me (not to be TMI) that a colonoscopy wasn't as bad as it is made out to be. He said the worst was the lack of food beforehand and it was over before he knew it! :)

I'll be praying for you guys and your angel! :)

milk tea + polkadots said...

oh dear... I'm sooo glad the mammogram turned out ok. Good luck w/ the colonoscopy!

You almost made me tear when I read about how you got your angel Christmas gifts. Keep your chin up! I hope you have a very merry Christmas and a joyous new year!

bklyn76 said...

so glad your mammo came back clear and i'm hoping for the same with the colonoscopy.

you and c are always in my prayers...i hope you get your baby soon. xo

honeydew1894 said...

<3 you!

Wendy said...

Wow, you've been through so much lately. I'm thinking of you and sending lots of positive thoughts, vibes, and prayers your way.

Laura said...

wow, girl....you've had quite a december! I'm 31 and just had my first mammogram....like you, I lost my maternal grandmother to it and after finding a lump my OBGYN ordered one. Not fun...not even in the same universe as fun...but reassuring once the good report came back. I think about y'all alot and will continue to send happy thoughts your way!

Hope you have a sweet little one soon! Merry Christmas!

Kara said...

Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you- what a ton to go through in one short month. You are so amazing and strong! I think it is wonderful that you have gifts under the tree for your angel. Eva was due before Christmas and we had a stocking stuffed for her. She didn't show up until after Christmas but she was still the best present I ever received. Whenever your baby finds you, it will be Christmas.

Sarah said...

Hey! Glad to see you back! Geez, wish you weren't dealing with so much big stuff though. Good luck at the colonoscopy! You are such an inspiration. Hang on, that baby is coming someday:) And let's chant together "Endo sucks, endo sucks!"

Kari said...

Oh my - what a December! I think about you all the time...our wait was 14 months. And I cannot stress this enough - once your little one arrives all the heartache and tears disappear when you realize you had to wait for YOUR baby to find you. I know how hard the wait can be, but I promise, in the end, it is worth every day.

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