[ i wonder as i wander ]


After my post last week telling you all how many times our profile has gone out to potential birthmothers, i got some questions from you that i wanted to answer here. Adoption is a very complex process, and i love being able to educate when i can. There are so many intricacies, depending on what state you are adopting from, where the birth parent's live, is it private, domestic or international.

Questions from readers:

Sarah: "So how does it work...do they actually wait until the babies are born to match or do it beforehand? Would they already be finding families for the July babies?"

Answer: The 'match', or us being placed with an infant can happen a couple of different ways. We could get a call just as the baby is being born, we could get a call after the baby is born, or we could get a call before the baby is born that we have been selected to parent the baby. Seems pretty easy huh? Not so much in all instances. If we get matched during her pregnancy, she might ask us to join her at doctor appointments. We might get to see ultrasounds, or she might not even want to meet us.

If we get that call that she is in labor or the baby is born, we better get a move on it! We could potentially be matched in an area where we can drive, or we might have to fly. Depends on the situation and location. That call could come at anytime, any day.

For the potential July babies, the birth mother might not have made her decisions, or she might not have choosen us, or she could be so afraid and decides last minute or after the baby is born. See why it is so hard to plan anything? Plan life in general?

Niki: "Do they have any idea when the birth mothers will make a decision?"

Answer: Unfortunately, no. They can't (and won't force) the mom's to make decisions. If a birthmother calls early on in her pregnancy, she might have done it out of fear of what to do. Then, doesn't decide until she has to, or wants to at the last minute. Our agency is really wonderful and offers counseling to both the birthmother and us should we want or need it.

If i can answer any questions for you, please don't hesitate to ask. If you are going through the process, thinking about going through it or just curious. I'm very open about how we are building our family.

So, all of this begs the question: Where will i be when we the "the call"?

Perhaps i'll be in my office

We leave for Rhode Island in a month. Will we be at the beach?

At the Polo Club watching a match?

Perhaps it will be winter again before we get matched.

It will be as much of a surprise to you as it is to us! That is why it is our goal to live life as "normal" as possible without hinging our decisions on the "what ifs". If we leave town, the agency has to know. They need to get in touch with us at all times. So that aside, that is really the only thing that is out of the ordinary for us. Granted, for travel (and financial reasons) we haven't planned any big trips, but the wondering could go on for another handful of months, or even a year or two. We just never know.


Lindsey said...

I am praying that your perfect match comes quickly!

Here's my question:
Does your agency network with birth moms country wide or just in a specific region? I guess I am curious as to how far you may have to travel to get your little one!

Stephanie R said...

You have a great "while we wait" attitude, Rebecca! I'm also praying you receive news very soon.

Just for fun... We were in our basement watching a movie when we received the call about our match.


Rebecca said...

@Lindsey - Thank you! Our agency does have outreach programs for all the hospitals in the area as well as planned parenthood, doctor offices, etc. Most of their adoption are in the New England region since that is where they are based, however our birthmom can be located anywhere in the US, which makes it that much more nerve wrecking!

@Steph - so good to hear from you! We think about that all the time while drinking wine and watching a movie. OMG.. what if we get a call now? he he he

Al said...

Oh my gosh you are super cute - love your blog!! It is SO nice to know that other people make their husbands stand in line while they catch up on celeb gossip! I can't remember the last time I put stuff on the belt, my hubbs knows that is his job :)

Sarah said...

Hey!!! Thanks so much for taking the time to explain. Wow, it really is all up in the air, isn't it? I thought there would be a bit more structure to when you would know. I saw friends of mine this weekend who adopted their son (too funny, he looks just like them...he's 9 now)...they got a call like 6 days before the birth mom went into labor and had to drive down to North Carolina (from MA) to pick him up. They were at the hospital for the birth and then stayed with him in the hotel for a week or two before heading home (and they said they didn't have any baby gear yet...yikes!). It's a great story...it'll happen to you guys:)

Kate said...

I never realized how involved the adoption process is. I wish you guys the best of luck!

Laura and Walter said...

It is a crazy complicated process and people that are not going through it can't always understand. We've had two potential situations in front of us within the last few months that for one reason or another did not work out, but we are still hopeful while we wait!
Thinking of you in your journey and hoping we both get "the call" soon!

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