2 little embryos snuggling right in....(we hope)


or at least one of them!
Yesterday was the big day. I went in full of anticipation, excitement, anxiety and fear. (a nice combo of emotions, eh)?

I met with the embryologist and she reviewed the embryos with me. Since Sunday, one of them had failed to grow, so we were down to two. I started to slump in the chair. I had been on a roll with good news, that i could feel the tears coming on that things were starting to turn again, like they had for so many days and months before. Then she told me embryo #2, also did divide like they had hoped, it was a good grade, but only a 4 cell. Crap, crap, crap! Kidding? So i go from 3 fabulous little embies to 1? Shoot me now... Well, the last little guy was strong! A grade 2, 8 cell. Some fragmentation, but on the outside edges which she said is fine because the cells can still "talk to each other" if they are touching. Well, i picked up my slumped self, draped in typical blue hospital gear, holy water in hand and dragged myself and all the hope i had left into the chilly, very lab like room where the transfer would happen. On the way in, i was told to leave my holy water behind, which was fine. The embryologist also explained that she was going to perform assisted hatching on the embryo in order to give us more chances of it sticking. She said with my diagnosis, the shell can sometimes be tough, which makes it hard for the embryo to break out of the shell and attach to the uterine lining. Well... i was laying there, thinking, praying, hoping and she says how the 4 cell started to compact! OH MY GOD! Some good news! We decided to transfer that one back too. Her hopes is that once it nestled in, it too, might divide more.

The procedure itself was quick and easy, no pain or cramping at all. Then i laid there for about 10 minutes. Reality starts to settle in that this is it. If this doesn't work, we walk down the adoption road. Will they stick? Will they not? Will at least one stick? It only takes one. What if we have twins? I can't wait to call Christopher. I have to tell everyone to send extra prayers for us. How will i ever pay back all of my friends and family for their love and support? All of this was going through my head, when the nurse came in and told me i could leave! HUH? already? So i pulled myself together and off i went!

As i was driving home, i felt differently mentally, not physically. Knowing that i have 2 teeny embryos in me is a weird feeling. I can't feel them at all, but just the knowing. I found myself talking to them, begging and pleading with them to grow and stick and find a nice comfy place for the next 9 months! (pssttt... and Christopher said good-night to them last night too)..

Fingers crossed until the 21st!


MarcyIam said...

I know I already responded on the boards/email, but I just wanted to pop in here and say I completely understand everything you wrote - the feelings before, after, everything. It's so amazing to think about what the whole IVF process is and that you have 2 little embryo's in there!

I talked to them all the time - pleading, begging, making deals, everything. I'd rub my belly, DH would talk to them - just everything.

It's just so weird and amazing all at the same time to know that they're in there. I wanted to invent a little camera to throw in there with them so I could know what was going on with them at all times!

I'll see you tonight!

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