[ i would die for that ]


This past Saturday, Christopher and i attended the wedding of a dear friend. I went to design school with Kelli and i was on cloud 9 watching her marry her best friend!

It didn't come without emotion though. I remember when she got engaged we had just signed on with our agency. It was an exciting time to think that perhaps we would be coming from the wedding to a babysitter, or not be able to go at all because we were picking up a baby.

Last fall, when we became active, Kelli sent out an email trying to gauge how many local friends would be booking hotel rooms. I told her it would be last minute for us, if at all. She told me the best wedding gift i could give to her was to be a mom. Sadly, it didn't happen and as i actually struggled getting through the evening because of my Endo pain recurring. We left before the end of the wedding because i was uncomfortable, but still were able to enjoy ourselves.

I remember when we first started treatments, a friend sent me this video link and i recently saw it again. I wanted to share it.


Renee said...

As someone that has walked the path of adoption I know we must morn the pregnancies we will never have and its hard to take that journey. I hope and pray that when you hold your child for the first time that all that pain and hurt just washes away. DNA has nothing to do with being a mom and I know your gonna be great. I continue to follow your journey and pray that you get "the call" soon.

Wendy said...

I just posted this video on Facebook this past weekend. As soon as I listened to it, it took me right back to all of those feelings I had when we were ttc. I hadn't seen it since we had been going through our invitros.

Steve walked in the room with Zoe and I just welled up with tears. It's so hard -- the whole journey to find your baby or have your baby find you. One way or another you and your husband will be parents and you'll be great ones. Your love for your future child is so evident in everything you write.

I'm sorry that you had a hard time at the wedding. I hope that you get "THE" call someday really soon. I'll be cheering you on!

nikinikinine said...

Thank you for posting this. I saw this video last year right before IVF #1 and it killed me. Like all things, I tucked it away and forgot about it.

I've literally had the worst 24 hours of my pregnancy between yesterday and today. Nothing scary or harmful to flip and flop. I'm just exhausted, big and in so much pain I don't know how I'll make it through to the end to get them home (and home healthy).

I just watched this video, cried my eyes out, and remembered why it is that I'm still fighting and pushing for them. I know that this video means different things to different people; so thank you for reminding me to put everything I'm feeling back into perspective.

I hope that your journey ends soon. I hope that in a year from now you are watching this video again to get perspective as well. I hope that everything changes.


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