Admitting defeat...

we are just at that point. After much emotion and discussion going into using my sister's eggs and what all parties involved thought, including our nurses, we aren't going to do donor eggs. :-( I really thought it was my chance.

We spent a lot of time and emotion talking again last night. We both agreed that we would try one more cycle. (since i don't like admitting defeat, i have the natural urge to try and self prescribe with the help of my doctors and try to make our last cycle a potential successful). I will feel better. Christopher seems to think i am doing an experiment on my body, but whatever. They certainly aren't going to let us do anything to hurt myself.

We agreed that we are over the shots, the pokes, the probes, the constant appointments, the constant stepbacks, the constant disappointment. So one more try and we are moving onto adoption. We made a New Year's resolution that we are going to stay positive and that this is our year! So that is what we are doing. We will need time to grieve what we have to accept.

In one weird way, it feels good to have a new "path". Something new to focus on without it being a cycle day, a shot time or an appointment. Not to say that this process won't come without its own struggles, emotions and additional set of complexity, but we feel that at least we are guaranteed. With ART and our diagnosis... there just wasn't the guarantee there..