i really, really can't believe this....

So i can feel AF coming on.. not pregnancy at all. This is totally normal for me and how feel on a monthly basis. I am literally in tears right now. I know i can pick myself up and move on, but i need my own pity party for now along with a bottle of wine. Every other symptom that i normally have has now visited. I just don't get it. I don't get how "perfect cycles" can go so wrong. I don't get how praying, being so spiritual, doing everything right plus some, taking care of myself, having a loving husband, having a stable home, having the means to take care of a child... and i just can't be blessed right now. I guess since not having an IUI since October, i really forgot how hard it is to take at first. I will persevere and move forward, but for now, i'm just plain sad.