OK... so seriously, can i get off the ride?


kick me while i am down. I am on BCP to prep for my surgery, (which by the way makes me heave it is so strong, but i'll let that slide). So i am not even going for monitoring appointments at the moment, and i STILL manage to get a phone call from my nurse today telling me that my FSH level was on the rise at my baseline appointment last week. Now - i am not one to look at numbers. (Ok... so i am constantly budgeting and balancing our checkbook, but that is different). I feel age is just a number, i feel that if the jeans make me feel awesome, i don't care what the size number is, i will have as many glasses of wine until i feel good (don't count, unless it is by the bottle).. but for some reason, this stupid number is the one number in my life upsetting me. It is the root of all evil and the root of infertility right now. Damn!

So when i first got tested in August, it was 13, then it dropped to 9! (YIPPIE). Ever since then, it has been on the rise. 14, 16 and now?? 21.8! Seriously?? I don't get it. I know i should take it lightly, but i can't. I don't obsess about numbers but i am. I am trying to find some sense of hope through my friend google.com that will help me feel positive again. Damn infertility is a roller coaster. Can i get off now?


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