[ a state of mind ]

1.08.2010

Funny (or not so much) just when i think i'm A-OK with my emotions, something small sets me off. Today marks week 14 of waiting for a match. I won't lie, i have had my meltdowns, but nothing that i haven't been able to just pick my chin up and move along. Perhaps me doing that so swiftly has made me not think about them. Until today. I got a phone call from my sister. The best sister in the world. Truly. All she did was ask how i was doing and had we heard anything. (quick note: Christopher and i opted out of having any sort of notification from the agency until we are matched). So of course, her asking set me off.

I don't know what i was thinking. I think i thought it would have happened already? I think i thought i wouldn't obsess? I think i thought i wouldn't have these moments? I guess being in such an unknown world right now bothers me some days more than other. I think putting away all of our Christmas decorations last weekend and putting away our baby's stocking that has turned into a stocking filled with cat treats and toys yet once again. The third Christmas in a row. Perhaps the fact that we have a new nephew due any day now and all my future sister in law does is bitch. I want to bitch-slap her when she complains. Really, i do. I just wish i could have experienced morning sickness, fat ankles and weight gain. Whatever, it is for a baby for crying out loud. What are you complaining about?


Live in our world. Just. One. Day.

8 comments:

Sarah said...

Oh, Rebecca...I'm so sorry! Don't lose hope...you will get your match!!!

nikinikinine said...

Rebecca, my heart is aching for you right now. If you need anything, call. I know what it means to wait. I'm so sorry that today, being asked about the adoption was more than you could handle. Cut yourself some slack, you've been really positive and really strong for so long. Get on some sneakers and go for a run, that always helps me pull together. xoxo.

lifeasiliveit said...

I hear ya, Rebecca. Oh how I hear ya! I think last year my hardest month was April (which would have been right around week 14). I cried daily. Multiple times a day. Just thinking, come on already we should have been picked by now! I also know that NOTHING that ANYONE would have said could have helped me. So, just know that God really is in control and your turn really will come. Big hugs and lots of love...

bklyn76 said...

i'm so sorry, rebecca. i can only imagine what you're thinking each and every day as you wait. my experience was different, but just wanting to tell all the pregnant ladies or ones with young babies to STOP! their complaining was the same for me. i wanted to have all their experiences and then some.

i hope your wait isn't too much longer. thinking of you.

honeydew1894 said...

you have a BIG HUG coming your way when I see you on Tuesday so be ready! :-)

Wendy said...

Rebecca -- I'm so sorry it was such a hard day. I really hope that your wait is on the shorter side and that your baby finds his/her way to you very very soon. Thinking of you!

Hoity Toity Baby said...

Thinking, wishing, hoping and praying for you guys!

Rebecca said...

thanks everyone for your support!
I am doing so much better and a day of retail therapy is in order.

This is what is so great about blogging. I have met so many great women who understand. I know i can give a few of you hugs in person, but for the others, here is a huge virtual hug! ;-)

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