ella minnow pea

Parker is 6 months

2011-11-15T11:03:00.003-05:00

Well, if you want to get technical, he will be 7 months next week, but my camera was held hostage in my parents car and i just got it back. So, i'll be posting lots of updates! Just pretend that my life is on your DVR shall we?

Here is my (not so) little man! At a whopping 27.75" long and 17 pounds, he is just growing so much quicker that i want and i miss his squiggly little body nestled up next to me.

Parker is 5 Months..

2011-10-14T00:06:00.004-04:00

Ok, so he was 5 months on September 22. Give this girl a break, i was 3 days away from my new website launch. (i did take the photo on time however). My life was running on less than a handful of hours a sleep per night and coffee by the gallons, not the cups- i was able to get the project launched that i was knee-deep in when Parker was born. So now my friends, since that has passed, i can focus again here, on my own little getaway and journal of goodies. While it won't be super full time again, i'll be here more then i have been.

OK.. so here are his 5 month photos. The hat? Christopher's Auntie keeps knitting these amazing pieces and ships them. I love coming home to a sweetly wrapped package and not a bill or piece of junk.

The chicks really dig my punk hat.

Bless his little heart, i eat him up every day!

AND.. he sits! LOVE IT.

Have a most enjoyable weekend and i'll be back next week with lots of goodies!

{ Parker is 4 months }

2011-09-01T23:48:00.006-04:00

And this momma is so sad to have been distant from the blogosphere. It is amazing how the days fly by with a little one and a business that is just busier then busy. In just a couple of short weeks though, things will be settling down a bit and i can get back into my regular blogging. It feels like forever! Well, shucks, it has been.

In the meantime, my little man turned 4 months old, started solids and all around is showing personality beyond belief!

Eating his cereal! He loves it and will bend his head down to meet the spoon.

Have a great holiday weekend! Have any fun plans?
We are headed to Ikea tomorrow in New Jersey so i can scoop up some goodies for my studio and to get some shelves for Parker's playroom. Seriously, it is like Buy, Buy Baby has exploded in our living room. We are going to use my old office for his playroom for the time being. I love Ikea (and the meatballs).

{ Parker is 3 months }

2011-07-19T09:50:00.004-04:00

It is pretty hard to believe! This guy is growing right before my eyes. He has such strong legs, i'm a tad worried he is going to walk sooner than later. He does little squats with all the strength he can muster. He has been rolling from tummy to back since week 7 and will just hang out on his fore arms on the floor if he isn't in the mood to roll.

His personality is really starting to shine and he gets more and more fun each day! He loves to "talk" and has been trying to giggle. I seriously can't wait until it really happens!

We leave on Saturday for our annual trip to Rhode Island, and i simply can't wait to get his feet in the sand and water to see how he acts.

A few of my favorite things...

2011-07-09T13:22:00.004-04:00

Sort of sounds like a line straight out of the Sound of Music, eh?

{1} Burt's Bee Apricot Oil - Parker had a small case of craddle cap. We used this on his hair during his bath, and the craddle cap never worsened and improved. Like magic, seriously.

{2} Uppa Baby Vista - Best. Investment. Ever. Parker slept the first two weeks in the bassinet and then transisioned into his crib so easily. Not only is the bassinet attachment the best thing since sliced bread, the attachments are the bomb too. We took him outlet shopping in the rain last week and he was totally protected from the rain, and then when the sun decided to come out in blaring forces, he was also really protected. It drives as smooth as my sedan and turns like a race car.

{3} The Baby Whisperer -
LOVE this book. It has saved my sanity, for real. We realized some mistakes we were making, especially as first time parents and this gave us that "ah-ha!" moment. Parker can put himself to sleep (9 times out of 10) and gives us a good 5-6 hour stretch of sleep at night now. My only mistake is not reading it earlier. We didn't start reading it until week 8.

{4} Ikea Poang Rocker - My little nugget loves to be read to and rocked. Just as he is getting sleepy, i'll put him in his crib so he can put himself to sleep. It is our night time ritual and i love that time with him. Plus, selfishly, i sometimes don't have to cook dinner because of it - Christopher does.

{5} Puj tub - Best. Invention. Ever. The first few baths were tricky, but since then, he LOVES bath time! He is so comfy, doesn't slide around and has room to grow in this. Plus, our bathroom is so small, i love that we can just hang this thing on our shower wall and bam! No oversized plastic tub to get out and store back away. Genius.

{6} Aden + Anais swaddle blankets - My sister bought these as a gift for us, and i use the constantly. Even in the warm nights now, they are light enough as muslin to wrap him in. They are huge, so you can get a nice tight wrap too! Parker has never liked his arms swaddled, but he loves to be swaddled at nap and bedtime. Plus, they wash really well! I think i have washed each one about 177 times now and they are still like new. Totally worth the money!

10 weeks

2011-07-02T11:26:00.003-04:00

I can't believe Parker is 10 weeks already! He has grown by leaps and bounds and is changing so much!

I took this 2 weeks ago but am just getting around to posting.

At his 2 month check this week, his weight was 12 lbs/11 oz and he is now 23.75" long!

Go Parker go!

He rolled over from his tummy to his back 2 weeks ago also. We were able to catch video too! I will be sure to post.

I hope you all have a safe and fun holiday weekend!

Coming home on Easter Sunday...

2011-06-27T22:24:00.002-04:00

Hi my friends, thanks for hanging on while i took a bit to finish the story. Life has been pretty hectic as we are going through all the fun stuff with Parker, as well as me changing my business plan (for the better), am working on launching a brand new website, hired PR agent, a speciality marketing agent to help get my stationery into national magazines, and try and get back into running.

I can't believe Parker turns 10 weeks old this Friday and i remember Easter Sunday like it was yesterday.

We left for the hospital pretty early. We knew his circumcision was happening at 8:30 AM, so we wanted to be there shortly afterwards. On our way to the hospital, i sent "A" a text to see if they wanted breakfast. They declined and i was pretty sad. There was this feeling (and still is to a fault) that i need to take care of them. I think the situation combined with my personality is a recipe for me getting my feelings hurt at some point or another.

When we got to the hospital, we were so energized and excited. This was the day that we were bringing our little Easter bunny home. The nurses told us that A and J were expecting us, and that we could leave as soon as Parker had peed. (I guess they wanted to make sure his unit worked after the circumcision). When we got into the room, A was already holding Parker and did not offer him to either of us. It was really hard, but i tried to understand. I knew we would have a lifetime with him, and this was basically her last day. So much had changed from just the day before. It was so silent, so awkward. She just rocked him and starred at him- barely lifting her head to make eye contact with us. She mentioned that he did really well in surgery but they were waiting for him to pee. She told us that she was able to leave on Saturday night, but didn't want to. I told her that i understood. We spent some time in the room, but i just honestly couldn't be in the room any longer. I wanted to take my son and run. Run out of the hospital and run home. Lock the door and just wait the 30 days there. I can't lie. I wanted her time to be over. It was exhausting in every sense of the word and as much as my heart broke for her, i just wanted the day to be over.

We arrived at 8:45 AM and ended up spending a good portion of the day in the lounge, away from Parker. My heart pounded, i was filled with anxiety and was so tired. A nurse came in and told us that we could leave whenever we wanted, that A could stay as long as she wanted. They weren't going to ask her to leave. We looked at each other and realized that she wasn't leaving until we were leaving. The last thing we wanted to do was take Parker and leave before she and J. About 12:15 PM, we walked back into the room to see how they were doing. They had slowly started to pack up and knew it was time to go. They finally offered Parker to us and told us we could have time with him. We told them that we had a lifetime with him, that we wanted them to say their goodbye. They looked at each other and A said to J.."why don't you ask them?" I gulped. I had no idea what was coming.
J asked if he could have a photo of me with Parker, one with Christopher and Parker and one with us together. My eyes filled with tears. I felt like it was such a great memory for them to have, and we also took one of them holding Parker to show him one day as we start telling him his life story.

It took about an hour (probably the longest hour of my life) to go through his current feeding schedule, changing him and other baby details. Still, i was like a ticking bomb. I think what i heard was something out of Charlie Brown when the school teacher talked. I didn't care about feedings and shitty diapers. I wanted out of that hospital. We were entirely drained at this point, our eyes were done crying and we wanted to go home.

As we walked down the corridor to the elevator, i could feel my eyes fill up (again). As Parker lay so peacefully in his car seat, he had no idea what was happening and while i'll explain in some depth to him one day, i'm glad he won't have the picture that i had in my mind. We asked A and J if they wanted to come to our car with us. They said they felt it was best we part ways there. All 4 of us and Patty our caseworker lost it. A dropped to her knees over the car seat and just wept. I tried to console her but she said nothing to me. I looked at J and gave him a hug. I always thought i was so strong, but at this moment, i was weaker than the weakest link.

I told both of them that even though we had our legal agreement of visits and photos, if they ever felt like they wanted more, to please ask. It is so easy to send a quick text.

As we hit the down button on the elevator, i felt like it took years to come. We ended up having to get in the same elevator with A and J. We gave them one last hug at the bottom and said goodbye. We walked to our car and put the seat in and just sat there. I still have never asked Christopher what was going through his mind at that moment, but the memories are vivid and always will be.

We were SO glad to be home! We made ourselves the lamest Easter dinner ever and got a tub of ice-cream. It was fabulous! Although, my mother wasn't about to have us miss out on dinner (or meeting her grandson)- they drove an hour at 6 Pm to bring us food and plenty of love!

From the next day through the first few weeks, A would text daily. Usually first thing in the morning to see how he was doing. I think she was going through so much first thing in the morning not having Parker around. Our social worker explained that the texting might ultimately phase out and it has to a certain extent. We usually talk about once a week now. I really like it and i feel like she needs me. She does't have much support, so we talk about things other than Parker too, which is great.

We are supposed to be having our first visit in a few weeks, but due to some circumstances, we aren't sure it will happen.

On another note, we have received paperwork from our attorney, and we are on the road to finalization! Such a great feeling. We are hoping by the end of summer, beginning of fall Parker will officially have our last name and be ours!

So, thank you for hanging on while i found the time to squeeze a post in. I have lots of goodies to share on all fronts - from house photos to landscaping projects to some of the best and most helpful baby items! I guess i would call it my must-have list!

Saturday at the hospital

2011-06-05T09:03:00.003-04:00

As we got into the car to head to the hospital, our hearts were full, yet so, so heavy. We weren't totally sure what we were in for, but knew it wouldn't be your typical hospital newborn experience.

As we approached, i sent "A" a text to see if they wanted breakfast. We picked up some bagels and juice for them right before we arrived.

As we walked into the hospital, we had instructions on what to say to the nurses. Our caseworker was planning on meeting us in a few hours. We walked to the reception desk and somehow, the nurses knew who we were already. They were incredibly sweet and the head nurse was also a Rebecca.

They told us that "A" and "J" were expecting us, so we knocked on their door. I swear, the knock on the door was as hard as my heart was beating through my chest at that moment. We walked in to see "A" in her bed, but no sign of "J". Then i saw our son, swaddled up and sleeping so peacefully next to her. I held back the tears as i just didn't want to upset or overwhelm "A". She immediately asked if i wanted to hold him. I scooped him up and just fell in. love. This was real, it felt right, it was exactly what God wanted for us. I couldn't help but to kiss his little cheeks as he made a grunt and slightly stretched. At this point, i won't lie, i just wanted to leave the hospital and never look back. I wanted all the emotional stuff of the hospital to not happen. I wanted to scream from the rooftop, but i wanted to respect their feelings. Christopher didn't hold him, he was nervous.

Since i had some alone time with "A", i gave her a special gift i had made for her. A really simple silver necklace with both initials of her two sons.

I had it made through Urbanite Jewelry.

Her eyes filled with tears and she set it down. I didn't want to push to put it on her.

At that point, the nurse came in to give Parker a bath. He still hadn't been fully cleaned from his birth. "A" looked at us to have us to and learn. We walked out of the room and i just broke down. I was so overwhelmed with everything that was happening, i couldn't control my cry. The nurse started crying and we walked into the nursery. She told us that as amazing as "A" and "J" are, she felt like we were just as amazing. She calmed me down and we started the bath. Parker just melted my heart again. So tiny his fingers and toes. He was chilly and didn't want any part of having a bath. (he finally does now)!

In the meantime, "J" had left to pick up her son Christopher and to get "A"'s two sisters. They were both very sweet and helped to break the ice a bit. I could tell that they were so in love with Parker too.

We went back to the room and decided to give them some time with Parker. The nurses gave us a room so we could watch some videos and just relax. Patty, our caseworker showed up. I love her so i was so happy to see her! She reviewed some legal stuff with us and then went over the options "A" and "J" had. They could have signed temporary papers, which would have given them a few days to be sure their decision was the right one, or legal surrender paperwork. The surrender paperwork is what we wanted them to sign. That would make the process to revocate their decision really hard. They had to sign something though. Otherwise, if they left the hospital, it would be been abandonment. Patty went to discuss options with them, and they choose to sign the surrender paperwork. Since this process was going to take awhile, we left for a few hours to get some lunch. Leaving was SO hard, but it helped with the emotion and stress of what was going to happen.

We got back at about 5:30 and i got a text from Patty. She said she and their attorney were still in the room and they needed more time. I told her we would be in the lounge waiting. As we walked in, i saw them come out of the room. I'll never forget the look on her face when she told us they were having a hard time signing the paperwork. I just shook my head and said.."this can't be happening." She said they both broke down, were crying and it was taking a long time to get through the final page.

Christopher and i sat for another half hour for them to finish. It felt endless. At about 6:30 or so, Patty and their attorney found us and told us they made it through. I think as prepared as they thought they would be, they weren't at the same time. Patty told us what helped them so much was knowing Christopher and i would be parenting. They truly loved us. I asked if they wanted to see us and Patty checked. She came back and told us 'yes', they do want to see us before we went home for the night.

I think that walk down the hall was one of the hardest. My heart was beating even harder this time. We walked in and there "A" sat by the window, eyes filled with tears and beat red. I lost it. I had so much i wanted to say to her and didn't know how to start. Finally, it all just came out. I told her what an amazing young woman she is, to give us the most precious gift. I told her without her and "J", we wouldn't be parents. We hugged and just cried together. I realized, at that moment, it takes SO much more for someone to realize they can't parent and make a decision like they did, rather than to pretend they can handle it and not give a baby everything they deserve.

"J" walked in. I could tell he had been crying too. He was slightly stand-offish at first. I don't know if it was a male thing or just didn't know how to handle his feelings. Christopher and i decided (as hard as it was) that we needed to leave for the day. We knew we would be back in the morning. The hospital told "A" she could be discharged at that point, but she wanted to stay.

We told them we would see them in the morning, and bring breakfast again.

Once we were matched

2011-05-27T13:58:00.008-04:00

Before i continue with details, I wanted to say Thank You from the bottom of my heart for all of your well wishes and support! It is so wonderful to have connected with so many of you, and some not even have met.

Once we were matched, caseworker was scheduled to be leaving for vacation that week. It was great that we had some time to relish in our happiness before starting anything "formal" with the case.

That week, we broke the news to our parents. We wrapped a Red Sox onesie (FYI - i'm a Yankee fan and Christopher is a Red Sox fan. Marriage made in baseball hell) and brought it to my parents. My dad asked what the gift was for. I told him it was a bribe to help come tile the kitchen. He opened it up and said.."is this what i think it is?" We all lost it. Not only was he super excited and emotional, but i am one of 3 girls and my sister has 2 daughters. So, to be expecting a boy, he was over the moon.

We then brought a package of diapers to my in-laws wrapped. My mother-in-law opened them and just started screaming and jumping around like a wild lady! She was a riot!

We told them all to keep it mum. That until our 30 day revocation period was up, we were keeping the news to ourselves. Of course, it was hard for them, even caused some arguments.

Once Patty our CW returned, she told me that "A" and "J" had already met with their attorney, without her. I felt like this was a positive sign that they were comfortable with their decision. In talking with their attorney, they also wanted to have more contact with us. Not necessarily visits, but texting until she gave birth. I was all for it! I felt it was a way to help her through the remainder of her pregnancy or almost "live" it with her. (If that makes any sense).

I sent the first text and it felt very much like sending a text after a first date. What do i say? What not to say.

I sent her a text and she responded almost immediately. It was so surreal. The young woman carrying my son is on the other end. I know it may sound corny, or weird, but it really meant the world to me! She sent another text a few days later telling us that.."no matter what happens, the baby is ours, that they think we are the perfect parents for Parker." It was pretty profound coming from such a young woman, who is generally quiet. In fact, she would offer me her son's old baby items.
I felt like with her offering her used baby items, that she was comfortable in her decision.

Leading up to the last couple of weeks, she sent me a text to say.."not much longer now" and also asked if we were ready. I kid you not, i have the entire string of text messages and intend to keep them forever. I'll print them out and put them in Parker's keepsake box. There are some very special words in there.

In the meantime, we had access to their medical records. I sent them to my doctor and nothing looked out of the ordinary. I couldn't believe it. I honestly was waiting for a ball to drop. For some hiccup along the way and it hadn't happened.

The week of her due date (April 19) in my mind she was going to deliver on time. She had delivered her Christopher on his due date and given her petite frame and weight, i thought for sure, on time or early again.

April 19th came and went.

A text from "A" came through on April 20th. She was headed to the doctor to asked to be induced. She couldn't take the pain anymore. At this point, i felt like a time bomb about to go off. Not being pregnant, i couldn't feel her body changing or have any clue of when things would happen. My type-A personality hates being out of control. ;-) Her doctor would not induce her, but told her "not long now." So we just lived our life, prepared as best we could and waited.

April 22nd, i got a text message from "J" around 6 PM, that they were at the hospital and she was being induced. I couldn't believe it! I wanted to rush right there and be there with and for her. However, part of their birth plan was to not have us present for the birth. They wanted a couple of hours alone with him and then were OK with us coming. Since we had about an hour to drive to the hospital, they were going to call once he was born. However, she didn't deliver him until 11:45 PM. At that point, we couldn't go to the hospital. As adoptive parents, we didn't have to follow hospital hours, but we weren't allowed to stay over night.

At about 12:35 AM, i received a text from "J" with the most perfect looking little boy. i woke Christopher up (i have NO idea how he was sleeping) and said..."Look! It's our son!!".

We were able to head to the hospital first thing Saturday morning.

To be continued....

To hold you over, a couple more photos from his photo shoot. We had these taken when he was 5 days old. If we are friends on FB, you have seen these.

these questions have been answered!

2011-05-23T19:14:00.004-04:00

On February 20th, after a night of one too many margaritas and a fun time at the roller derby, Christopher and i were trying to get our act together to head out and start picking out stuff for our kitchen renovation. I noticed that i had missed a call on my cell. I didn't recognize the number, but my general rule of thumb is if i don't know who it is, i'm not going to be that wacko that calls back. So whatever. We were just getting ready to walk out the door at 12:32 PM and that same number tried to call again. I said to Christopher.."oh, one sec, that number is trying to call again." I pick up. My life changed forever.

"Rebecca?"

"Yes."

"It is Patty, from Friends in Adoption." My entire body went warm and numb. The most bizarre rush happened. I knew what was happening at that moment.

"I have a case I want to talk to you about."

"OMG! Let me put you on speaker, Christopher is right here."

Patty proceeded to tell us about the case as we both listened, while our eyes were tearing up. She paused and said..."You two are so calm, are you alright?"

All i could say was.."Patty, this is 100% surreal right now. I honestly was starting to think i would never become a mother, and that i would win the lottery before this would happen."

We learned that the couple was young, that she has another son and is just struggling with raising him at 18 months, let alone raise another child. We learned the due date was in 8 short weeks, that it was a boy and that her son she is raising is named Christopher. (How is that for some irony).

We learned that they live locally to us, within the hour, that the baby will be born at the hospital where i was born, and that we wouldn't have to travel by air or train to get there. Just our good old car.

We learned that they wanted to meet us the following week. Oh. My. Shitting. Goodness. One week!!

That whole week we were wondering what to say, what to bring, what to do and how to act. We knew they have what we want. We knew our emotions had to stay at bay. We knew we had to keep quiet. We told no one that we had this meeting. I lie, my older sister whom i keep nothing from and who is my rock, we told. We were so fearful of the fact that just because we were meeting them, didn't mean we would be chosen to parent.

Fast forward to February 27th. That weekend we packed up some cookies for them, a mini album of more recent photos of us and some small toys for her son Christopher as we knew we would be meeting him. We had about an hour to drive. As we were getting closer to the diner for breakfast, Christopher started to ask me something. (I still can't remember what it was). I said..."please don't talk to me, i think i might vomit." I was so overwhelmed with so many feelings, I couldn't function.

We park the car and start to walk to the diner. My legs were shaking so hard, i thought i might fall. I was an emotional hot mess and was telling myself to keep my shit together as we walked in.

We immediately made eye contact with our caseworker and headed to the corner booth to meet the potential birth parents. "A" stood up and hugged me. I wanted to hold on so tight to her and not let go. Such a young girl at 19 with such big decisions to make. "J" shook our hands and smiled.

At first there was so much awkwardness. Thank goodness for Patty, because I didn't know what to say without over stepping boundaries or saying the wrong thing. I wanted them to like us! I sort of felt like we were in a job interview.

We were able to have some really nice small talk, and then we talked about the bigger things. We found out they looked at 10 profiles, and only wanted to meet us. We were so honored, grateful and speechless. Knowing there are so many families waiting at our agency, I'm sure it was tough for them. We asked why they chose us and they obliged. We both immediately filled up with tears and asked what they would like for their son. Such simple things that i guess i take for granted.

They also told us that they would want us to name him, since we would be parenting. They loved the name that we had picked way back 4 years ago when we first started to try and have a family.

We left about an hour and a half later wondering the what-ifs. It was such an anxiety filled day. I was just almost numb. I didn't know what to feel or think. We knew they wanted some time to decide if they wanted us to parent.

The next day, we got a phone call at about 1:30 PM. Patty called to say that "A" and "J" loved us and wanted us to parent. I broke down at my desk at my office. I cried so hard i couldn't breathe. This was really happening. All of the emotion, heartache and waiting was about to come to an end. I called my sister at work (she is a pharmacist and works until 9, so i couldn't wait) and she broke down for us. She has been the most amazing support for us throughout our time in trying to start a family, i couldn't wait until the next day to call her. I called Christopher at his job and he came to meet me at my office. I saw him, hugged him, and he just knew. I don't think we have ever hugged and just cried for that long. Ever!

The only downside to the situation was that since they live in NYS, we had to abide by their 30 day revocation period. We decided after talking with the agency, the best thing to do was to keep this very quiet. Anything could happen at anytime and we just weren't prepared to answer questions if god forbid something happened. Hiding the match was the easy part. We were able to get out of situations pretty easily and act like we were still waiting. Although we hated doing it, we wanted to protect our feelings, and the birth parents' feelings. Being fairly local, we just never knew who might know someone.

The baby was due on April 19th. Since she gave birth to her other son on the very day he was due, we figured she might deliver on time or early. Our kitchen project needed to take a severe step up so we would be sure it was complete. At this point, we had about 6 weeks, minus the potential of her going into labor early. We had a handful of loose ends to wrap up and i had tons of client work to get in order so i could take time off.

------At this point, i have so much more of the story to tell, and details to give through our wait. However, at this point, i would like to introduce you to Parker Owen, born on April 22nd. 7 lbs., 5 oz and 19.5 inches long.------

This was from a photo shoot was he was 5 days old. My great friend from Clark + Walker studio came to our house to shoot. Don't worry, there will be many more i'll show you. I just want to take my time and tell you all the great details. I just couldn't wait any longer to give you the news! I have to say, it was one of the reasons for me being so quiet around here. So much that has happened the past couple of months has revolved around our adoption and i couldn't give anything away.

OH- did i mention how hard it was to hide a baby for a month? ;-P

...where i will be and what i'll be doing...

2011-05-19T10:14:00.001-04:00

Throughout our wait, I often wonder...

2011-05-17T08:19:00.002-04:00

There comes a time when you realize how truly blessed you are.

2011-05-10T11:00:00.001-04:00

I hope you are having a great day! (or month should i say, it has clearly been that long). Lots to update you on! I am looking forward to it.

[ the great stroller debate has ended ]

2011-04-19T09:45:00.004-04:00

We are finally out from under the kitchen mess. We are finally done. The final task at hand is to build our bench in the entry to store hats, mittens and scarves. But heck, we needed a break! There are also some decor pieces to finalize and then i'll take some photos and share. It seriously looks like a different kitchen, in a different home. I love it!

In the meantime though, we settled the great stroller debate. We didn't end up with any of our original choices.

We ended up purchasing the Uppa Baby Vista in yellow. We love the bassinet attachment, how easy it is to stroll around and the options. (i felt like i was buying a car)! Which we did this week too. Phew. We have been busy!

Anyway, once we have a baby to actually stroll around, i'll give my reviews. For now, Clemens our big, fat orange cat seems to have taken a liking to the bassinet.

Have a wonderful day all!

[ slowly, but surely ]

2011-03-31T10:54:00.008-04:00

Ok, so i'm really lucky Christopher hasn't divorced me yet. Bless his heart and the approximately 650 tiles, and 1,200 spacers we have installed. Combine that with a crooked ceiling line of a 10 year old house, and you have a recipe for disaster and divorce.

So this is the one rather large, ugly wall that I had so lovingly convinced Christopher needed to be tiled.

Here is the plan. This is the small shot before i really got into my mock-ups. Trying to figure out switch plates and odd angles.

Christopher and my dad hard at work, while i "project manage."

Dad taking a break. You will notice in the background the new Corian counters and where we also added a new piece of cabinet for extra workspace. We used to have that fun painted piece there, but it wasn't working as we had hoped.

Christopher hard at work. I promise, i did tile too! It was actually a tad fun for a bit, and most certainly a labor of love.

We have since tiled the entire area that we planned on and grouted most of it. It is looking amazing. Doesn't even resemble our "old" kitchen anymore.

I'll be glad when it is over and can share some photos!

[ checking things off our list ]

2011-03-29T09:31:00.003-04:00

One of our goals this year in preparation for our baby was to take a CPR class through the Red Cross. Of course, we managed to schedule it in the midst of our kitchen renovation, but that is basically how we operate. Too much going on for the hours in the day. I have to say though, the kitchen is looking great and i did manage to take some photos this weekend as we started the tile, so i will post this week!

So last night, we took the 4 hour class. I have to say, i haven't taken CPR in years. It has been probably 15 or 20 if i had to guess. I honestly think since i taught swimming lessons as a teenager. (oh- i just aged myself).

Since the class size was small, (5 to be exact) the instructor asked us to introduce ourselves and wanted to know what we would like to get from the class. She was willing to focus on our needs instead of following text book. I thought that was pretty cool. So, the first couple, clearly pregnant went first. Christopher and i went second and the babysitter that was there went third.

When Christopher introduced us and said that we are adopting and wanted to learn infant CPR, there was an awkward silence - followed by a smile and then the questions came flowing. I will admit, i sometimes don't understand the reactions of strangers when we tell people we are proudly adopting. I can't figure out if they are curious, happy, taken back or whatever. Once we got through 20 questions, we started the class.

I have to say, it was pretty exciting learning all of this and makes me realize we are one step closer to being prepared for parenthood. On the other hand, i was like, holy shit! Will i remember all of this if i ever have to use it? Will i be a good mom? Will my instincts just take over? It is pretty scary actually. One day i'll have a human to take care of much smaller and tricker than the rubber mannequin!

For those who have adopted or are in the process of - how do you handle the 20 questions syndrome? I swear i thought it would get easier, but i feel like carrying a Cliff Notes version around with me.

[ Thank you! ]

2011-03-18T09:43:00.000-04:00

[ shop to help ]

2011-03-17T09:17:00.003-04:00

Good morning!
As we are buried in a horrid kitchen mess and getting ready for some outdoor projects, i stop in my tracks each morning when i look at the disaster in Japan. I mean, does my kitchen really matter when that poor country is in such disarray?

I really want to help, and i really want to encourage others to help. So... all sales from my letterpress boutique today, March 17 will 100% be donated to the relief fund. {i mean, it's never to early to buy holiday cards}!

•••

Shop here! And thank you for your support!

[ when it snows, it pours ]

2011-02-25T09:48:00.006-05:00

In our kitchen.

*caveat - these photos don't do the damage justice, this was in the very beginning. sigh....

OK, so admittedly, i have never loved our kitchen. However, when we bought our house, it had been flipped so everything was fresh and new. Although the man who flipped it was no designer, he did a decent job. Just not my style. We could not justify remodeling the kitchen though with IF expenses and then adoption expenses on the table. Plus, there were other things that we were looking to put money towards.

Well, that has changed. We have to do a mini-remodel in the kitchen now. Lucky me! {insert half sarcasm here}. With all the snow and ice this winter, we came home from work one day to find water pouring through the recessed lights - and it didn't stop - for days, 11 to be exact. Our kitchen looked like a nightmare with towels, buckets and a dark room because we couldn't turn the lights on.

The water damaged a nice hefty piece of the ceiling, the wall and soffit. It also ruined a countertop (hello formica)! and a cabinet. So, the insurance adjuster came and of course, will only replace what was damaged. We can't find matching countertops (yay!) but were able to find a matching cabinet. So, in my dream world, the entire kitchen would be changed. I won't lie, i was bummed we found the matching cabinet. I was already on the hunt for new.

So, this week we ordered upgraded countertops to Corian and we are tiling a good portion of the kitchen and wripping out some upper cabinets, while adding a new piece of lower where we currently have a painted buffet.

We are going to add some open shelves and repaint! The last detail is to add crown molding which was on our to-do list anyway. So, i guess everything happens for a reason, huh? A nice distraction while we "wait" too!

Here are some photos i found that i love for some inspiration. While our kitchen could fit inside these kitchens, i can't help but to stare!

| source |

I think the demolition will start this weekend since the company is coming to measure for the countertops next week. I'll keep you posted!

Have a great weekend all!

[ total cheese ]

2011-02-22T16:58:00.003-05:00

I couldn't resist sharing.

As an invitation/stationery designer, i'm easily amused. Especially amused by all the hoopla surrounding the Royal Wedding and the not so royal invites.

My design intern from last semester moved to London for her last semester to study and lucky her, she gets to be all wrapped up in the hoopla. When i was studying in London, nothing this fab was happening. Although London is fab enough.

Anyway, I had emailed her to find out about her "stalkings" and i got this postcard today:

LOVE touristy postcards!

[ latest agency update ]

2011-02-21T16:11:00.002-05:00

Technically, this is a few weeks old. From February 2 to be exact. The same day we entered our 17th month of waiting, we got an email from our agency that they needed more profile books. Talk about a knife into the heart.

When we originally signed on with our agency, we had to submit 40 books. Why 40? That was the number that in all their experience, they felt was a good number. Sometimes people need to submit more, sometimes they all aren't used. Well, you know, Rebecca only hears what she wants to at times. ;-P So clearly, i heard the 40, and done!

So, on this day, it hit kinda hard. I got the email about them needing more. So, on one side of head i'm thinking.."WTF? close to 40 profiles have gone out and we still aren't matched?" The other side of my head is thinking, "SOB, now i have to pay more money to have additional printed." I drank wine that night in my "woe is me" moment.

So i called the agency, because i knew i had about 10 extras still. I asked if that would be enough for now. (They were requesting 20 more). The hope is that we will be matched before i have to shell out another chunk of change for reprints. She did tell me that there were a lot of intake calls with lots of young moms, and that our profile had been out a ton. There were also 5 instance placements between Thanksgiving and Christmas! So 2011 was off to a great start for waiting families!

So, as we get ready to enter month 18, i have finally conceded that i just can't control the situation and i've taken a face dive into my business and work as a great distraction! It has helped me to be more relaxed and i know without a doubt that God will only give me what i can handle at the best time.

We haven't however, stopped getting prepped. That is something i most certainly can control!

[ myregistry.com ]

2011-01-24T19:49:00.003-05:00

So we are just about one month into the New Year. I can hardly believe it actually.

But, believe it or not, Christopher and i did in fact, sit down, uninterrupted and write out our 2011 goals. I just haven't talked all that much about them here. Not sure how much i will either. As they happen maybe? We shall see.

Anyway, one of them is to get registered actually. I feel like we are in "the zone" of being matched. The national domestic adoption wait time is 18 months, our agency average in 2008 was 5-14 months. (We signed on in 2009, so we were given the 08 statistic). So, at 15 months, we feel like we just want to get it done. I know all hell is going to break loose if we have to up and leave and travel and trying to get settled, etc. At least if we take care of it now, we have time to think and concentrate and do it the right way.

I am also looking for advice. We have the entire nursery pretty much set. With the exception of the interior of the closet, we are all set. So, in my eyes, we don't need that much - which is the thought behind registering at myregistry.com. I feel like there are a handful of things at various places and this way, we can add what we want in one spot.

Also, in addition to our stroller, an extra pack and play for my office, the carseats and bases and our video monitor, what else should i be registering for?

I can't breastfeed, so no pump needed. I am just going to try a few bottles? Rumor has it our baby might be finicky about them. i can't stop up on formula, so what else is there?

We are heavily leaning towards cloth diapers, so i feel like this is something we could register for. Otherwise, i'm utterly overwhelmed and let me tell you, i perseverate over pretty much everything. So this could be a process.

Any advice would be great! Thank you!

[ Friday Finds: Reknit ]

2011-01-21T09:49:00.004-05:00

Happy Friday my friends!

I just wanted to say Thank You for your good thoughts and vibes that continue to come my way! They are so appreciated! I will continue to keep you posted along the way. Our coordinator asked me if i want a call every month or 6 weeks or whatever. I told her 'no', when i got "the itch" to know something, i would call.

It has been a bit since i have posted a Friday Find. I just recently found this site called Reknit.

Super cute concept and a great way to reuse sweaters or anything knitted for that matter!

Have a happy Friday and enjoy your weekend!

[ Latest agency update ]

2011-01-18T09:29:00.002-05:00

So i was bummed to learn a few weeks ago that our coordinator at the agency was leaving. She wanted to focus on her children. I can understand and respect her decision. However, selfishly, I loved our coordinator and didn't want another adjustment.

However, our new coordinator is lovely and we spoke this morning. I haven't called for an update since month 10 and we have entered month 15.

I guess so far 2011 is proving to be a busy year. In only the third week, they are working with their third instant placement. For those of you unaware of what that means, basically, the adoptive parent{s} would get a call after the baby is born and have to travel to pick him/her up. As opposed to being matched during pregnancy.

Our profiles have now been out 23 times since becoming active. There are still 4 open possibilities at this point and babies with due dates until June. They are located in OH, GA, VT and NY. So, our glimmer of hope until i get antsy for more information.

I hope you are all well! And thank you as you continue to check in with me via email. Your positive thoughts and vibes are part of what keeps me going!

Smooth as molasses

2010-12-30T15:10:00.002-05:00

No pun intended, but seriously, that is how my very first colonoscopy went the past 2 days, prep and all!

The prep was the hardest part. I haven't updated you to tell you all that i'm training for a half-marathon, so i've been so used to burning lots of calories, that broth and italian ice just weren't cutting it in the calorie department. I whined (a lot). Yesterday was the test and everything came back negative! Yay!

So for now, i'm on new birth control to help suppress the endo. and will have another checkup in about 6 months for an ultrasound to be sure any cysts have cleared. For now, that is the plan. My doctor doesn't want to surgically induce menopause by me having a hysterectomy so early and he prefers to not do another lap because it doesn't really clear all of the endo away since it is chronic.

Thank you for your well wishes, i appreciate them.

Did everyone have a wonderful Christmas? Ours was fantastic and just wait until i post photos! My nieces were cute as buttons and i was thrilled to spend the afternoon with them!

On our way to my sister's house on Saturday, Christopher and i saw the most amazing rainbow. It was glaring right down at us, straight down as a matter of a fact, on a bright sunny day. No-one else saw it, and most were driving right behind us. Weird? I think not. ;-)

Hi my friends!

2010-12-21T09:23:00.003-05:00

I just heard the best quote ever!

"When you feel like you are at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on".

Thank you all SO much for your thoughts in phone calls, emails, FB and even through my blog. I have enjoyed my time away, trying to refocus energy and to also balance work and personal time. I think i have a good handle on it.

I wanted to come back a couple of weeks ago, but i had some things getting in the way. So, i wanted to update you all.

Back in 2007 when i went off of birth control and met with my OB/GYN, he had prescribed a mammogram for me. There is a long history of breast cancer on my maternal side, including my dear grandmother and her two sisters. All were diagnosed with breast cancer, had at least one breast removed and died from the awful disease. I didn't go because we got so involved with our fertility treatments and then the adoption.

A few weeks ago i went for my annual pap and again my doctor ordered it. At 36, he preferred i not wait until 40 with the family history. I also spoke with him about my endometriosis symptoms coming back. This was the first we had discussed my dx in 2 years. He was able to completely review my paperwork and photos. He is worried about the fact that the endo. was found on my rectum. He said as common as endo, is, it isn't common there. So, he also ordered me to see a GI specialist to rule out colon cancer and be certain that the endo. is not spreading again.

With that, i was put on Lupron to suppress the endo. I asked for a hysterectomy. I mean, to be 100% honest, if i cant' get pregnant, please just put me out of my misery. He said 'no' saying he would not surgically induce menopause. Ok, fine. I went on birth control and took myself off a week later. The nausea was more than i could handle round the clock. We are going to try a new prescription.

In the meantime, i had my mammogram. Everything everyone told me was true. They hurt like the devil! Granted, it didn't last long, but for those few minutes, i was miserable. The nurse told me that if there was something to be concerned about, i would get a call.

Last week, i was driving to the GI doctor to start reviewing my history, and get a call from the hospital saying they need to see me about the mammogram and follow up with an ultrasound on my right breast. Ugh.. so on the way to one doctor, i get a call from the other. Really?

At the GI doctor, we spent an hour reviewing my history, health and endo. symptoms. She is equally concerned as my OB/GYN, so the next step is a colonoscopy next week, right before the New Year. Something to look forward to, no? LOL

I also had the followup ultrasound. After the ultrasound, the radiologist wanted more x-rays. OK, seriously. This time, she drew tears. It hurt more than the first time! Thankfully, the coast is clear. I happen to have a really fibrous breast, and now they have a baseline for me. Phew.

I will keep you posted on the appointment next week.

In other news, this week has been bittersweet. I go through days thinking that i have a better chance of winning the lottery then i do becoming a mom. There are days when i feels so close i can taste it, but then days after waiting 14 months, going on 15 now, that it just feels so far away, i'm ready to let go of the rope. I heard that saying though and it lifted my spirits.

I will tell you though, that we did buy the baby gifts. They are wrapped under the tree, with a tag that names him or her the "angel". My friend Julie who is my positive life coach has very strong feelings about this month. She encouraged us to get a few gifts for baby 'A'. I have to admit, it was fun picking out a few things!

She also told me, that this month, Christopher will revert back to some feelings he had 19 years ago. When she asked me what happened to him then, i did the math. He was 13/14. That is when he found out he was adopted by his step-father. His parents tried to hide it from him. So, we wonder if that has anything to do with our baby?

She also told us how clear things become after the eclipse. That happened early this morning.

Could these be signs?

I think i'll hang onto the rope and find out. ;-)

[ I've hit a wall ]

2010-11-04T09:27:00.003-04:00

I'm so sorry to all my readers. Some of you email me offline and some online. Some might not even care and cruise by quickly. Whatever you visit for, i'm sorry for the lack of posting. I know in blogging world apologizing is taboo, however you have followed me long enough i'm 100% myself here and i can play by my own rules. :-P

Since moving into my new office space, my life has changed greatly. All positive stuff, but quite frankly keeping up with the design blog, clients, PR, and the whole slew of new "stuff" that comes with owning a storefront is much greater than i anticipated. It leaves little room {or desire on occasion} to want to come home and blog after being on the computer all day.

Don't get me wrong, i love blogging and keeping you up-to-date on everything, but like i said, i've hit a wall. Unless we call for adoption updates, we don't get any. We opted out of knowing anything.

We try to live life as normal as possible, but quite frankly, it is hard and nearly impossible. I don't care what anyone says, if you have adopted, you get it. We tried to book a NYE trip to Denver to see friends and ski, but were told that trip insurance won't cover adoption. So, that is out. Each month that passes, we are more and more financially drained. We can't spend money on house projects, so i have no updates there.

While we are trying to have fun, it is now cold so most weekends are spent at home, watching movies and snuggling in front of the fire. I'm sure you don't want each "weekend tidbit" about that! LOL

I refuse to become the negative nelly through this process and pour my sadness on my blog. So, my lack of emotion here is just poured out through tears at home and prayer to give me the strength to get through this wait.

We get calls, emails and notes from family and friends that ask the same thing: "any news?" It kills me to answer each time, with of course, no change.

I guess with all of that said, i don't intend to stop blogging. I guess i'd like to call it a hiatus of sorts until i have something interesting and creative to share. In the meantime, i would love feedback on what you like, don't like, miss, want to see more of. It will get my creative juices flowing with goodies to post!

Have a magnificent day!

[ think he is embarrassed? ]

2010-10-28T09:14:00.003-04:00

Why yes, i'm quite certain Clemens did not want any part of this costume. However, i could resist trying it on the poor guy. Afterall, he does have a holiday tee that he proudly sports at Christmas. I really think it was the velcro underneath that ticked him off. {plus he is a tad plump}.

Growing up, we had a cat Smokey, {poor guy} that we would dress up, put in our doll stroller and call it a day. He dealt with it. Such a good boy. I thought Clemens might be the same, but not so much! However, Christopher and i were literally on the floor laughing at him. He was too funny in this costume.

So, what are your Halloween plans this year?

We are headed to our friend's daughter's 2nd birthday party {she is indeed a Halloween baby} and then spend the later day and evening watching scary movies and eating! We get some trick-o-treaters, but not a ton. Our neighborhood is pretty old, with not many children.

[ i would die for that ]

2010-10-25T13:21:00.000-04:00

This past Saturday, Christopher and i attended the wedding of a dear friend. I went to design school with Kelli and i was on cloud 9 watching her marry her best friend!

It didn't come without emotion though. I remember when she got engaged we had just signed on with our agency. It was an exciting time to think that perhaps we would be coming from the wedding to a babysitter, or not be able to go at all because we were picking up a baby.

Last fall, when we became active, Kelli sent out an email trying to gauge how many local friends would be booking hotel rooms. I told her it would be last minute for us, if at all. She told me the best wedding gift i could give to her was to be a mom. Sadly, it didn't happen and as i actually struggled getting through the evening because of my Endo pain recurring. We left before the end of the wedding because i was uncomfortable, but still were able to enjoy ourselves.

I remember when we first started treatments, a friend sent me this video link and i recently saw it again. I wanted to share it.

[ we have the name & the nursery...]

2010-10-21T11:06:00.002-04:00

.... now we just need the baby!

I called for an update yesterday as we are just about at 13 months. I hadn't talked to our coordinator since month 10.

Here is the latest and i'm not saying real names to protect the birth mothers. However, i have to say, that when she told us the names, it felt real for some odd reason. She has never mentioned names before. She will just say when they are due and where the profile went.

So, it went to Jane {locations i don't want to say either} on September 1 and she is due October 27. Went to "Stacey" on October 6 and she is due March 1. And lastly, to "Jennifer" on October 18 {just a few days ago} and she is due May 21.

Two are close and we could drive should something quick happen. The other we would have to fly to!

So, that is the latest! We are now struggling with the fact that our profile photo is over a year old, my hair is grown out and i feel like i look that much different that we are contemplating changing it. However, of course there are fees and quite frankly, i'm sick of spending money.

[ my shameless plug of my work ]

2010-10-20T09:09:00.003-04:00

It is that time of year again, when we all start prepping for the holidays. And... the time of year again when i get to add to my holiday collection and send files off to press to {eep!} see the designs printed in glorious letterpress!

So, yes, my shameless plug of my own work, and taking pre-orders for each design. I will have them in hand the first week in November and will ship to the US and Canada. {ahem... Sheba!} LOL

So, while the collection is small, i'll slowly be adding on year to year, but i hope there is enough variety!

[1] Holiday trees [2] Oh Chanuka [3] Holiday bells [4] Ellie the Christmas bird

You can pre-order by sending an email to designs@thepinkorange.com! They are going fast, and i'm so thankful and excited!!

Have a fabulous day!

One year ago...

2010-10-14T10:43:00.003-04:00

Ok, Ok. So it was slightly more than one year ago. It was October 2, 2009 to be exact. The most ecstatic day! I "felt" pregnant. Well, let's face it, as pregnant as i'll ever feel. {insert: stop telling me i'll get knocked up once we adopt. Isn't happening. My eggs are fried. Hard as rocks. Sperm can't get through. I think i might carry around copies of my report from the embryologist so when someone says that to me, i can hand them a shortened version. If i had a dollar for every time someone said that, i would be paying cash for my first born as opposed to working extra hours and taking out bank loans}. I digress.

On that very day, we got a call and email from our social worker that we officially became active and could start the potentially long and grueling wait for our baby to find us.

We didn't think it would take a year. Seriously. What were we thinking? That we are god's gift to a birth mother? There are so many fabulous families waiting to adopt. So we did our thing, lived life and made plans. We had our ups and downs, good times and bad.

Then we get the dreaded email on August 16th, 2010 informing us we had about a month to the expiration of our homestudy. ::gulp:: $800 more, and more meetings and more waiting. New doctors notices, new background checks, new financials and new child abuse clearances.

{September rolls around and knowing our life, our attitude is such that we'll pay the dough and we'll get matched. Still waiting, but it's all good}.

We had our meeting with our social worker and it was really a great meeting. I wanted to update you all. I wish i could carry her around in my pocket. Seriously. She is amazing and wonderful and just gets it. She mentioned that she felt the 17-20 times our profile has been out seems like a low number. Really? To me it seemed like a lot and i'm going to keep thinking that. {as a note, 17 was the number i got at our 10 month check-in with the agency. I haven't called since}. She also asked us if we wanted additional information that we might not know about, that had happened over the year. We said "sure!" She told us that 2 birth mothers loved us. Fell in love through our profile. Loved our photos, our story and our family. One decided to parent before they called us {thank god} and the other was so young her parents stepped in. So, third one's a charm? Maybe?

So, with October 2, 2010 coming and going, we are beyond waiting a year. We are 3 years past trying to have a family and we are plenty of tears, emotions and questions beyond this part of our life. We wait with open arms and big hearts.

[ I'm back.... sort of ]

2010-10-10T12:30:00.003-04:00

Hi my friends!

I swear, i'm still alive and well! I have just been buried with the opening of my studio, which was awesome and getting things set up. It has been great, but trying to get into the groove of commuting again after almost 3 years has been weird. {but great, i love it!}

As i was moving in and prepping for my open house, we were updating our home study {lots to share} and my grandfather's health went severely downhill. He did pass away this past Thursday and we are celebrating his life today and tomorrow. So needless to say, i've had more on my plate that i could handle most days, but the dust has pretty much settled and i look forward to updating everyone this week.

ps...i tried to salvage the links along the side because of the virus, but it didn't work. I was getting frustrated and mad that i had been away for so long.

I'll start building them up again! I am always looking for new reads though too, so what are yours?

Hope you are enjoying your weekend!

[ beware ]

2010-09-22T19:30:00.002-04:00

Hey friends!

I'm in the thick of getting my new space setup and prepping for an open house next week. However, I wanted you to beware and not click on links that I have listed. I have to taken them out and redo because the site they are pulled from has a virus. I don't want your computer to be affected.

I'll be back soon as I have an agency update and our home study update to tell you about!

[ studio update: 3 ]

2010-09-17T10:15:00.002-04:00

Happy Friday all!
I decided not to post a Friday Find today so i could keep you all up to speed with the decor of my new space. I mean, let's keep our priorities in check, shall we? ;-)

{ get the inspiration board here }

Have a great weekend! I'll be packing and moving and trying to fight a nasty cold which so nicely visited me on a week when i need extra energy! grrrr....

[ studio update #2 ]

2010-09-15T09:27:00.003-04:00

Thanks for the positive feedback everyone! This is quite surreal and is happening so fast. It has been a great distraction to our wait, except trying to finish up the paperwork and squeeze a meeting in with our social worker has been tricky. That will most likely happen next week! I'm looking forward to seeing Kate. Heck! Maybe we can meet at my new studio. =)

{ update #2 here }

[ studio update #1 ]

2010-09-14T09:32:00.005-04:00

hey gang! Thank you so much for your congrats, well wishes and cheers! I SO appreciate it. I promised i would update as i go along, and i'm totally keeping my promise. However, i've moved the move-in date to THIS WEEKEND!! Ahhh.... so, i'm utterly overwhelmed and i just can't blog twice about it. So, i'll link up the photos from here, to my design blog so you can read along. It is all happening so quickly that i might just need a bottle of wine per day to relax me.

{ get update #1 here }

[ friday finds: Nest Pretty Things ]

2010-09-10T07:27:00.003-04:00

Happy Friday everyone! Today's find is a bit of vintage, which i just adore! So delicate and the pops of color! LOVE!

Necklaces, rings and bracelets, oh my! Enjoy the goodies!

| source: Nest Pretty Things |

Have a great weekend everyone! We are headed to IKEA today for some goodies for the office. Tomorrow we'll paint and start moving things in. This move is going to happen fast like Flash Gordon!

[ 4 years of wedded bliss ]

2010-09-09T07:54:00.004-04:00

We made it easy for Christopher to remember. 9/9 is our anniversary and 6/6 is my birthday! HA! Or, at least Facebook reminds you of these events. Kidding!

In all seriousness, i can't believe today is our 4th anniversary! It is so crazy that only 4 years have passed. I constantly wonder how did we fit everything we've done into 4 years? Did we sleep? Then i think to myself... well shit, if i can get through all of that with him, the good, bad and ugly - i can get through anything with my best friend!

It is a pretty yuck day today, so we are going to cook in, make a small fire and enjoy some bubbly! Tomorrow, Christopher to taking off work and we are headed to Jersey to IKEA to get a few things for my new office! {squeeee!} I think we'll go out and celebrate tomorrow or Saturday.

On another note, thank you SO much for all of your congrats and well wishes on my new studio! I'll keep you all posted for the local readers. I plan on having an open house when everything is set!

Have a terrific Thursday!

[ my big news ]

2010-09-08T16:49:00.002-04:00

OMG!
I have been so excited to share with you all!

You might remember this post? I was so wishy-washy, unsure of what to do with many things in life. I felt like i was revolving the one thing i want so bad in life - the one thing i have ZERO control of around all other aspects of my life. I did some deep searching and realized i need to let go of my type-A control freak attitude and just live and enjoy my career right now. We could be waiting one more day or 2 more years. What i can control is my business that i have worked my butt off for 4 years now. I can control that destiny. I can control the decisions i make regarding the success or failure of my passion.

This week, i am signing a lease for a storefront! After so many sleepless nights and wondering if i was making the right decision i decided to do it. I spent many days {hence my absence} looking at various spaces. It was so fun, but completely overwhelming and intimidating at first. The renter's insurance for a commercial space is enough to knock me right out of the hamster wheel! I kid you not. Everything is starting to fall into place and it just feel so right. I will finally be able to commute to work (sweet!) and have the wind-up and wind-down time that i just don't get working from home. I'll be able to leave work at work and enjoy time with Christopher and our baby when we are matched. I'll be able to bring baby to the studio if needed also. There are certainly pieces that will need to be figured out, but that will come in time and i look forward to the challenge.

We have officially hung a "coming soon" sign in the window at the store and now the decorating part begins! I will take some photos and start sharing the empty space as it is now and as we progress.

I will say one thing, it is quite the distraction as we enter the 11th month of our wait!

Thanks so much for bearing with me through my absence. I am excited to share this ride with you all!

[ my whereabouts ]

2010-09-07T09:16:00.002-04:00

Good morning friends!

I feel so distant the past week or so, with good reason, i promise you! I want to thank my newest followers for hanging in there.

I will certainly give more details soon, but i'm knee deep in home study paperwork as we came into our 11th month of waiting and our paperwork expires in one month. (actually, less than that now, which is why i have been away). I was able to squeeze in my physical with my doctor and so now the rest of it remains, along with a meeting with our social worker!

I also have some super, duper exciting business news and will share over the next day or two! I just wanted you to know where i have been and to stay tuned.....

I hope you all had a marvelous unofficial end to your summer and are ready for all things fall!

[ free September desktop ]

2010-09-02T08:29:00.003-04:00

Hello my friends!

I'm so sorry i have been quiet this week. Well, it seems quiet on this end, but i have lots going on. I will be able to share next week!

*disclaimer: not baby related however

In the meantime, here is a fun September desktop for you!

•••

Get your copy here!

[ life impact ]

2010-08-30T08:43:00.004-04:00

When i was a little girl, i used to love getting dressed to go to church each Sunday. LOVED it. At the time, i didn't know if loved getting dolled up more than church itself, but i think my parents made me believe it was the best thing since sliced bread. I mean, after all, they are Italian Catholics, my dad converted from Lutheran for my mom and all was well.

As i got older, i replaced the love of getting dressed with jeans and the attitude that it was more for my parents than it was for me. Then my attitude switched back as i made the adult decision to go to church for me, and not my parents.

I loved our little church. The original church i grew up in, an amazing cathedral sadly burnt down when i was young. I remember my dad helping to fight the fire and the smoke you could see for miles away. Growing up in a small town, it was "the church" and affected many people. However, it didn't affect our priest. We found a new place to worship and call our own. Father Doyle was still amazing as ever, and even though a huge part of him was gone, he wouldn't let our community get down.

Father Doyle baptized me, gave me my first communion, confirmed me and was supposed to marry me. Can you imagine? All the stages of a young woman's life. He ended up passing away shortly after Christopher and i met. It was so very sad. I felt so sad that he wouldn't marry me. Even moving away from home, i had still planned this perfect day i had dreamed of. And it was perfect. Christopher and i explored some new options. (Ok, really more me than him). Once we found our current church and met Deacon Ed, we found our little slice of heaven again. We fell right in love with Ed. He is supportive, loving, non-judgemental attitude (after all, we were living together before marriage) and a great inspiration to us as we prepared for marriage. We used to meet with him each month leading up to our big day. I mean, he is married so who better to talk to then someone who was living it?

Our day with Ed couldn't have been more perfect.

He wrote the most beautiful homily, printed it out and gave it to us. We also had each and every guest tell us how much they enjoyed his ceremony. It was personal, memorable and us.

We ended up moving about a half hour away from his church when we bought our house, but still drove there for mass. It was so important to us to continue our relationship as we built our life together and had children. We really wanted him to baptize our babies. We wouldn't see Ed every week because he would say mass at 8:30 or sometimes 11. But, we would email and he always was there for us. When my grandmother passed away and more importantly, he knew one week that something was wrong. It was right after we started IF treatment and our first cycle failed.

I ended up meeting with him every couple of weeks. Ed was my spiritual therapy. I'll never forget what he told me; "Our timing as humans, isn't always God's timing." I carry those words with me everyday and think about them when i wonder why we aren't matched yet or when other hiccups in life come our way. He would let me cry to him, vent and just wonder "why me?" He told me God has an amazing plan for us. Through boxes and boxes of tissues later, I do truly believe this now and will forever be grateful for his talks.

Two weeks ago, we grabbed the weekly bulletin before mass. I sat and read a good-bye from Ed and his wife Karen. My heart sunk. I felt like my faith is just so strong, Christopher's faith is slowly but surely growing (he was not raised with any religion) and now a huge part of that faith is leaving.

They have decided to take a sabbatical, and will travel to Santiago, Spain as missionaries. I remember them wanting to do this when we got married. We bought them a book about this journey as a thank you. I am so happy for them, but selfishly, don't want them to leave. Ed has always told me..."you are just so special, you just have a longer pregnancy than most." It always helped me to realize our wait will one day come to and end and we will be blessed.

I wanted to email Ed, but couldn't figure out what to say.

Saturday evening, we drove past a new church in "our neck of the woods". We decided that Ed was the reason that we didn't mind driving out of the way for mass each week. I mean, i do enjoy it, i enjoy seeing familiar faces, but the drive is sometimes a drag. We decided to try this new church yesterday. However, i was running late getting ready (mass was at 10:30) and Christopher said.. "do you just want to go in Albany?" Our current church is closer to where we were headed for the day yesterday. So, we decided to go to our usual church and try the new one next week.

We were sitting there, and see Ed and his wife enter. Tear filled eyes, and a tissue in hand, mass started. At the end of mass, our priest invited them to say goodbye to the congregation. You see, they have most definitely touched more lives than ours. They have hearts of gold. Not only do they have one special needs child, but two. That was God's hand to them. He really made me realize that life is what you make of it, that you can choose to enjoy or choose to not.

As he said his goodbye's, i could feel my eyes welling up, and at the same time, grasping Christopher's hand thanking him that we went to mass there instead of switching yesterday. Something must have told him to suggest that, or i never would have been able to say good-bye.

They stepped down from the altar, wiping tears from their eyes.

Mass ended and we walked to Ed and Karen to say goodbye. He looked at me and said you look so healthy, but i can see the pain in your eyes. I couldn't speak, as my eyes filled up, he just grabbed me for a hug, told me to let it all out. He reminded me all that he has told me in the past. I looked up to see his eyes filled, I looked over to see Christopher's eyes filled and we just all hugged together. He told me that if he hadn't seen us yesterday, that he would have called. He also told us that wherever we are, he will come baptize our baby- his travel is only for a couple of months.

Christopher and i walked out of church with red eyes, put our sunglasses on, grabbed each other's hands and walked to our car. We realized how he has impacted our lives and how we have impacted his. Everything is going to be alright.

[ friday finds: Freshly Picked ]

2010-08-27T08:39:00.004-04:00

The name is just so sweet and so are the goodies you will find here!
I love these little "bow bags" for a quick brunch out, church or a day at the beach for a wallet and shades.

I'll take one in each color, please!

| source: Freshly Picked |

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

[ a sweet surprise ]

2010-08-26T09:18:00.005-04:00

When i select things for my Friday Finds, i choose them because i feel like you all might like them just as much as i do. I get no kick-back or freebies or any of that good stuff. {although shucks, that would be nice}.

However, if you all remember Sugar B. Baby back in May? With the precious little knitted hats? OMG. Too cute.

Well, Kari, the talent behind the precious products found that i had posted about her goodies and sent a sweet email thanking me. We got to sending emails back and forth and come to find out, we have so much in common! She is also adopting (i hope you don't mind i announce that Kari) and we are on just about the same timeframe in our wait. She has sent me some inspirational blogs that pick me up when i am down and i hope i have been able to do the same.

Aside from the hats, Kari is also a graphic designer {hello, me too! } and just a sweet soul. On Monday, i got a special delivery:

I didn't even open the package and i was already tearing up. Then, the tears were flowing when i opened up the teeny box to find this:

Could you just die!?

The thought that she would take time out of her busy day and send me something to put a smile on my face blows my mind. It is so soft too! I have it on the bear my mother-in-law gave us until our baby finds us. {hey Kari? Do you have intuition about the blue}? =)

Thank you again, and as i have mentioned before, i have enjoyed sharing my journey with you all. Thanks for always reading along! It is really amazing the people you "meet" and connect with!

Have a wonderful Wednesday!

[ tidbits from the weekend ]

2010-08-24T08:44:00.012-04:00

What a wonderful weekend with Ellie. We just have so much fun, i always end up so sad when she leaves. Next time though, her sister Ava is going to come either with her, or alone. It was hard for Christopher and i to explain how we have to take turns with them. Ava is turning 3 tomorrow, and she wants to come for sleepovers now too. When i picked Ellie up last week.. she said desperately.."me too?" So sad.

Anyway, of course Ellie and Clemens were attached at the hips. Although a bit more than Clemens probably wanted he was a good sport of a cat and really didn't fuss.

Friday night we went to the Polo Club for a match. She loves to go when she is here and i enjoy it too, so it gives us another excuse to do so! We took some {127} photos of the horses before the match started. Ellie was our "main shooter" that night.

The horses getting their tails braided and tied up.

Chilling out waiting for the match to start. We picked up some yummy sandwiches on our way there. Ellie's choice? PB&J! =)

My amazing friend Deborah had some fun hats left from her bridal shower, so she brought some for Ellie and i to wear so we could match. Then i realized, we never took a photo of us together. And Deborah, so sweet was worried about forgetting Ellie's, that she forgot her own!

{notice Ellie's purple nails? We had mani's/pedi's that day too. Oh - and her toes are blue. Lovely selections i might add}

Deborah and I! {Ellie took this one!}

Jim (Deborah's hubby), Deborah, me and Christopher enjoying our wine!

Ellie saying goodbye as the horses were leaving. She is such a little animal lover.

Have a wonderful day everyone!

[ facing fears ]

2010-08-23T08:50:00.003-04:00

Happy Monday my friends! I hope your weekend was grand. Mine sure was and i'll post some photos to show. My niece Ellie was here for a majority of the weekend. We watched the polo match Friday night, went for a bike ride, played on the swings in the park, did lots of art projects, made some food, watched movies and much more! Phew. I'm so glad i have energy to keep up with her! I just haven't had a moment to get the photos off of the camera.

In the meantime, last night Christopher and i were watching old episodes of Modern Family, {god i love that show} and one we watched was about facing fears. It got me to thinking.

What really are my fears?

I definitely have a fear of never getting matched and when i do, not being the best parent i can be. But then, i realize i am being silly. I do have a fear of heights, although i can ride a ski lift, and hike to the highest cliff. ( i just don't look down). I have a fear of bats, of not finishing a race that i run and the #1 fear i have is death. I am afraid to die and i'm afraid of my loved ones dying.

| source: James Joyce |

So, fill in the blank, what are your fears? How do you face them? How have you faced them in the past? Are you still afraid?

[ another agency update ]

2010-08-18T08:33:00.004-04:00

Thank you for all of your continued support, kind words, thoughts and prayers both online and off. I am continuously amazed at how a blogging community can come together and reach out and help one another.

From my post on Monday, I got some inquiries from a few of you asking about the agency and the fees. Some of out curiosity, some for research and thinking about adoption.

I have no problem sharing any of it with you all. I feel like if i can help just one person through my ramblings, then I've done a good job. =)

I have decided to break down our costs so far. Not for anything other than to be helpful and put out there for someone who might be too shy to ask. (i swear, i don't bite). But please, continue to leave comments or send your emails if you have other questions.

I think the hardest part of the financial part of adoption is the amount of "whats". Every case is so different, so attorney fees and the money paid to help the birth mother is so different. We were given averages to work with, but in our minds, we are figuring on more. It seriously is the story of our life!

So here goes:

A couple of notes for you on the above financials. The $7,000.00 is to keep in escrow with the agency. If we don't use it all for our birthmother, we will get it back. The trick is? We could end up needing more for her. Depends on the case. Also, with the attorney fees, if it is a very complicated case, we will pay more obviously.

Edit: I had a typo and a reader so nicely reminded me that the tax credit is $13,170.00. Thanks!
There is a light at the end of the tunnel. The federal government just extended the adoption tax credit through 2010. If all goes well, the credit is now for $13,170.00.

So in a nutshell, that is it! Please let me know if you have other questions, like i said, i'm happy to answer!

[ agency update ]

2010-08-16T08:33:00.003-04:00

Happy Monday my friends!
I hope you all had a great weekend. Ours was awesome. I love my weekend time with Christopher. I cherish all we do together whether we are at home watching a movie or simply listening to blue-grass like we did Saturday night. A new experience for me, but fun nonetheless.

Last week, i got this dreaded email from our agency:

"...I hope this letter finds you well. I am writing to remind you that your home study will expire on September 28, 2010.

It is important for your home study to be current. Most states require that home studies be updated annually, and we would never want you to miss out on a potential situation because your home study expired. ..."

Ugh. So that means, dishing out more dough. I guess i never thought we would have to update it. I really thought we would have been matched and wouldn't have to take this step. But alas, we do. So starts the home study. No, nothing has changed, but it is the law. At least i love our social worker and look forward to the meetings to see her again! So there is a positive.

After she emailed the note, i called for an update. I called at the 4 month, 8 month and now 10 month marks.

The latest is that our profile has been out 17 times. 17 mommies have seen or have our profile in their hands. Most babies have obviously been born and matched already, but there is one due in Florida in September, one in Oregon in October, 2 in NY in February and one in Florida in March. So a few really early pregnancies, but could they be our baby? I guess only time will tell!

[ friday finds: Wall Candy Arts ]

2010-08-13T08:46:00.002-04:00

Good morning and happy Friday my friends! {the 13th i might add too incase you didn't realize it}. I hope it is fantastic regardless.
I have a real treat for you today that i came across this week.

Remember the project i wanted to do and posted about? Well i still haven't completed (well actually started is the right word) because i haven't found the right frame yet and i haven't had time to focus. I am however starting a "big list of little projects to do" as well as a "little list of big projects to do." Crazy, right?

Well, i came across this website and found a wall chalkboard vinyl! Perhaps this could be my substitute? Not convinced yet, but they are awfully cute. And.. i'm thinking one day for a toy room!

| source: Wall Candy Arts |

I hope you all have a fabulous weekend!

Does anyone have anything super fun planned?

[ it's the little things ]

2010-08-12T08:52:00.003-04:00

Good morning!

I wanted to share the most adorable book that i received from a client yesterday. She had sent me the link quite sometime ago when we first started working together. I designed a logo for her new upscale baby boutique to open next year. She is young, but oh so ambitious, determined and a smart lady. I really enjoyed my time working with her.

Would would chat about our adoption all the time. There never was a moment when we met when she didn't ask how i felt, how everything was and gave encouraging words to me. She is really a doll.

I had put the link for this book in my favorites, realizing i would purchase it one day, knowing it wasn't a priority at the time. Well, yesterday i received a gift from my client and in the pretty little package was the book! I seriously had tears in my eyes. It really is the little things in life! It was so thoughtful of her and to know me so well! I mean, what designer wouldn't want a fabulous book filled with amazing typography for their baby? Look how fun this book is!

If you want a copy, you can get it here.

Have an amazing day my friends!

[ from Rebecca's closet ]

2010-08-10T09:02:00.004-04:00

Good morning!

I just wanted to let you know about a new blog i created.

From Rebecca's Closet you will find some finds from my closet that i am selling. You know, out with the old and in with the new, or something like that. In the words of Christopher, "you don't need anything new." Well we never need, we just want. I haven't added yet, today and tomorrow I will be, so be sure to follow along for updates!

[ tidbits from {last} weekend ]

2010-08-09T10:07:00.009-04:00

So i have pulled myself out from under my pile of work to show some photos from our weekend camping trip {a-la RV} with my parents. My sister and her 2 girls came too, which was so much fun! I just love them to pieces. My brother-in-law wasn't able to make it. He is building a Timberframe home for them! Christopher went this weekend to help him out and he said it is absolutely amazing. I can't wait to see the progress.

Here are a handful of my favorites!

My sister Jen with Ava and Ellie.

Me with my nieces..

Ava LOVES to swim.

My sweet Ellie is so cuddly. I just adore her to pieces. We have another weekend sleepover planned in a couple of weeks. I can't wait!

Ava was a tad nervous of the shark at first, then we couldn't get her off!

Boys will be boys... my dad and Christopher chilling out after a day in the sun.

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend!

[ friday finds: Ruche ]

2010-08-06T08:37:00.005-04:00

It's no secret that I loves shopping, especially clothes. I just love fun, frilly and feminine pieces. They make me giddy! My favorites are Ann Taylor LOFT and Anthropologie. I recently came across Ruche though and was excited about all the goodies they offer! From pretty dresses to fun accessories, i'm thinking i could do some serious damage.

Is anyone familiar with the brand? I wonder about the quality.

Here are some of my favorites and my top pick. I really think i need that top. =)

Have a wonderful and relaxing weekend everyone!

[ have you cruised? ]

2010-08-05T07:19:00.003-04:00

I dream of vacations and water and warm air and pretty colored cocktails with swirly straws. It is really hard to plan trips though both from the financial end and the toll the adoption has taken and also for planning purposes.

However, just as i wrote last week and just as you all recommended, i must live in the now. We can purchase trip insurance should be get matched, so why not plan a trip?

We both have always wanted to cruise and never had. I know.. i feel so deprived. Sort of like how i have never been to Disney either! Yup.. deprived.

So tell me, what is your favorite cruise line? Particular places you loved to visit? Best time of year? I mean living in the Northeast and having horrible winters we are thinking of going in the winter so we can have warmth. We can cruise out of NYC which is only a couple of hours away or we can fly to Florida and get one from there!

Thanks for your input!

[ under water ]

2010-08-03T16:00:00.006-04:00

I guess be careful what you wish for!

After i asked for a sign for something to happen, i got one. Not baby related, but business related! It is really great and i can't give away too much at this moment.

However, this is what i feel like right now:

I would rather be looking at water like this:

I had a great time away this weekend camping and i have a handful of really fun photos to share. But please bear with me, i'll post just as soon as i can swim to the top!

Hope you are all having a great day!

[ many thanks! ]

2010-07-29T10:47:00.004-04:00

I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. The past few days were tough, but i'm over the hump now. Although there may be more bumps in the road, it is great to know that i can put my feelings out there and have friends who have been through, are going through or are there to support me. It really means so much! I have some IRL friends who read along too, but i feel like you are all my friends. Really.

I also want you to know, that I have grieved and moved on from not being able to conceive. I am truly excited for those who are expecting. i think my hurt and anger and frustration comes from...when it is my turn? There are days when it feels like never. I remember going off birth control 3 years ago and imagining my life with a child. I imagine my husband as a wonderful daddy and i imagine all the memories we will make. None of that has faded, i promise. Some days, the visions are just more blurry then others.

I also really started to think about living in the now. If i open a storefront and we are matched, then i can deal with it. There are so many ways to handle the situation. I will keep you updated!

Once i talked to Christopher last night and he cheered me up, i had a clearer mind. Granted, a mani & pedi along with a glass of wine and another 1/2 pint of ice-cream helped too. =)

I wanted to share something i read from my favorite inspiration, Ralph Marston.

I hope you are having a fabulous day!

[ i'm paralyzed ]

2010-07-28T06:30:00.004-04:00

Emotionally.

I can't even begin to explain where my head is at. I guess, easily put if i had to describe it. Think of a hamster in a wheel going around and around and not knowing what it is doing, all the while enjoying the ride. I mean after all, the hamster did climb into the wheel, right? Granted, i did climb on for the ride too, but i thought it would have been over or at least have some direction right now. I feel like everything in my life is up in the air right now. Unlike the hamster, i'm ready to get off the ride. I'm not having as much fun.

For starters, my business has grown by leaps and bounds. I'm seriously contemplating a storefront but the commitment scares me. I want to take time off when we have our baby. But when will that be? Do i put things on hold for the "what ifs" and "when it happens"? We could be waiting another year or more.

Then... we are also thinking (again seriously) about moving out of state. So storefront sort of = crazy idea. Do i open a storefront in the meantime? Could that be even crazier?

Christopher is going back to school this fall (on-line thank god) so wrapping my head around that is tricky too.

He hates his job and also wants to switch things up... while in school.

Did i mention we have no idea about a baby? I wish there was a sign.

If we stay in this area, we will still move, and the goal is in 2-3 years, which will fly by.

So needless to say, i'm overwhelmed and the idea of still having no idea about a baby is killing me, taking a toll and i'm just starting to shut down. I have cried so much this week without thinking about it. It just comes on with no control. It is like i am having an out of body experience. I can't describe it.

We are entering month 10 of the wait. Friends have had babies. Other friends are announcing their pregnancies while they announced their first as we were being home study approved.

Here was my experience yesterday. I had a dentist appointment to have a filling redone that was breaking.

Me: crying on the way to the dentist
Reception: Hi Rebecca. Are you OK?
Me: Yes. It is just "one of those days"

I'm now in the chair getting prepped. I tell the dentist that because my tooth will probably hurt, i'm going to use it as an excuse to eat ice-cream for dinner.

Hygenist: Ice-cream for dinner?
Me: Yup! I love it, i eat it just about every day.
Hygenist: Where do you put it?
Me: I store it in my leg, i just run and spin alot!
Hygenist: I know! You must not have kids yet, right? Because you are in great shape.
Me: i can't have kids.

{insert bull in china store}

Yeah, she said it, and i said that back. Without thinking, it came out like purging of the mouth. I didn't mean it, but couldn't help it.

I also got my first needle yesterday since IVF needles. Talk about emotion coming gushing back.

So, needless to say, yesterday sucked and i ate a pint of ice-cream - because i could! I called Christopher since he is out of town and he made me feel better, just hearing his voice.

[ weekend tidbits, in words ]

2010-07-26T11:49:00.004-04:00

So i left without the camera this weekend. Boo! But, in my defense, it was a wacky and wild weekend at the Saratoga Racetrack. My friend's fiance planned her 30th birthday there and we had so much fun! We lost {big time} but had fun betting. I have no idea what i am doing when betting, i just pick the names i like. =)

Then, knowing Christopher is away all week in NYC, we wanted to have a date night. So we tried a new spot, which is now my new favorite! Chianti. One word, just like the name. Amazing. I can't figure out why i haven't been before! We had a great evening, then Sunday stopped at the farmer's market for a few groceries and i had to drop Christopher off at the train before heading to meet with a new client.

However, a couple of quick photos. The new Fresh Market is slated to open in mid-August near me. I can't tell you how excited i am! Yes, i truly enjoy going to the market each week. It is like a project and i enjoy it!

Do you shop at one?

What are the must-haves and the must avoids? Although, from the looks of it, i don't think i'll avoid much! He he he...

Also, i spotted a stroller in a store and got talking to the mom driving it. The Maxi Cosi. I loved the looks of it, the features are great from what i read so far, and she was raving about it! Plus, the price is nice.

Does anyone have it?

Any feedback would be great!

I hope you are enjoying your Monday so far!

[ friday finds: Urban Baby Bonnet ]

2010-07-23T11:03:00.003-04:00

Happy Friday my friends!

So Etsy never fails! I have found some of the cutest darn things (and lately baby related) either myself or through other friends or blogs. This week, i found through Spearmint Baby Urban Baby Bonnet. Uhm, super, duper cute. i can't stand it! I love that there are designs for little boys and girls, spring and winter!!

Go check them out!

Which is your favorite?

I can't decide to be honest. I love them all!

Have a wonderful weekend everyone! See you next week.

[ it's the little things in life ]

2010-07-21T11:26:00.004-04:00

So late yesterday morning, i received a message from my friend offering 2 free sneak preview tickets to the movie SALT, which opens this Friday. Fabulous i say and i drive over to pick them up! We have been anxious to see the movie and were thinking about the drive-in this weekend for a date night. But free? In a more fabulous movie theater? Sold.

I had a client meeting until 6, the theater opened at 7 for the preview and the movie started at 7:30. So Christopher got us a table at PF Chang's, ordered some cocktails and apps and had dinner waiting for me when i got there.

We had a swift 1/2 hour dinner and we almost got up from the table without eating our fortune cookies. I said... "hang on babe, we forgot these."

I gobbled mine down and it had a typical... keep dreams strong or something 'usual' like that. I can't even remember. But.. when Christopher opened his, it was this:

How perfect? We both got a slight teary, he tucked it into his wallet and off we went to the movie. I just love the little things.

On another note, SALT was awesome! Part of it was filmed about 20 minutes from us last spring in Albany, NY. We actually drove and sat under the bi-passes one day with the Jeep top down to get glimpses of the filming above us. It was really cool, and what was more cool was watching the movie and seeing recognizable places in the movie where i practically drive everyday!

[ vacation ]

2010-07-20T09:09:00.010-04:00

Hi all!
So we are back from vacation and it was fabulous! We weren't interrupted, but that is OK. I think i was having a "oh woe is me" moment. So, we can look forward to making memories perhaps next year with our baby!

We had such wonderful weather while we were there. The ride out was tricky, as it was raining the entire time and we only had the top skin of the Wrangler. It made for a fun, wet ride. Also, we were so bummed when we got the call that my sister and my nieces couldn't come because of Miss Ava being sick, and her car was in the shop. I was super bummed out, but with other kids at the house, it made sense for everyone.

I took a ga-zillion photos, i kid you not. So i had a hard time selecting which ones to share, so here are some of my favorites.

Each day, was seriously work packing to go. Although, we did spend pretty much all day at the beach, so we did have to pack everything but the kitchen sink. Good golly, what will happen when we do have a baby to pack up to?

When we arrived on Wednesday, it was still sprinkling. Thursday was pretty overcast, but really warm. The waves definitely showed remnants of a storm that had passed. The boys got beat up in the waves!

The first night, we went shopping for fresh seafood and grilled... a lot. It was delicious!

This is Jesse, Bronwyn and Jesse's son.

Bronwyn and me!

Christopher and me. Poor guy, little Jesse wanted him to wear my beach hat, and have his photo taken.

We found this amazing spot on the beach to get clam cakes. Best. Treat. Ever!

On Friday, our other friends joined us. You might remember them from camping? Our friends with the precious twin boys? My god, they love the beach. They played all day long. The waves were a bit intimidating for them, but they did try.

Then, Saturday night, we made an amazing seafood boil. It had clams, mussels, shrimp, 3 kinds of sausage, corn, potatoes and spices to make it extra yummy!

Browyn, Jesse and Christopher prepping for the big, big seafood dinner!

We are already looking forward to next year! And of course, hoping there is a baby in tow. =)

[ VOTE FOR ME! ]

2010-07-13T20:45:00.005-04:00

OK my friends!
The official voting for the The Nest nursery contest starts today!

We would be so grateful for your votes!

It is so simple! Just click here to vote!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Muah! Hugs and kisses to you all! =)

[ bittersweet moments ]

2010-07-13T20:40:00.002-04:00

This was last year in Rhode Island.

I'm packing this evening as we leave bright and early tomorrow and i can't lie, the feeling is bittersweet. We really, truly thought we would be packing up for a baby this year. I don't know what made us think this, but we did. It was a done deal in our minds. Our hopes were high and our hearts light with joy. Now, they are somewhat heavy that we are packing for ourselves only. There will be 6 kids with us this year, which we LOVE the thought of, but not ours. It is so saddening. We were so ready to start our family vacations. We were so ready to start the memories. We were just so ready......

When we leave town, one of our checklist items is to let the agency know where we are, give alternative phone numbers and be ready for anything. This is a vacation that i sure hope is interrupted.

Until next week........

[ tidbits from the weekend ]

2010-07-12T07:52:00.003-04:00

Happy Monday friends!

Today is actually like a Thursday to me, because we leave Wednesday morning for our mini vacation to Rhode Island. I can't wait!

The weekend was a busy one. I had a large wedding on Saturday that i designed all the paper goodies for, we helped a friend paint her new house and a picnic!

Yesterday, my sweet cousin's graduation party was hosted by my aunt so we spent the entire day there. I did leave swiftly without my camera, but i took these with my iPhone of Christopher when we stopped for a latte before church. Mmmmm... hazelnut latte. I wish i could have brought the rest into mass.

How was your weekend?

[ can you help me shop? ]

2010-07-07T09:20:00.003-04:00

For the life of me, i can't remember who's blog i saw something on. I know (OK, almost 99%) that it was on PB.

It was a bathroom organizer, kind of rustic, with metal. You hang it on the wall for magazines, towels and toilet paper. I believe it was around $59. Now i can't find it on the PB site, so i'm wondering if that is where i saw it!

We are going to redo our 1/2 bath this winter and i really loved that organizer so i was going to order it and now can't find it. Boo for not bookmarking it!

Does anyone have a clue as to what i'm talking about? Or did i clearly not have enough java that day?

[ tidbits from the weekend ]

2010-07-06T14:54:00.018-04:00

Hi everyone! I hope you had a safe, relaxing and memorable holiday!

We were constantly on the go, drove plenty of miles, camped, boated, ate, drank and tried to sleep. It was too much fun hanging out though! We started Saturday with a visit to my gram. She is 92 and still lives on her own. We try to visit when we are in "her neck of the woods." And, we were! We headed to the Catskills to our friends old country home. It sits on 92 acres and is just pure bliss. You can see an awesome skyline of the Catskill Mountains as you sit in your Adirondak chair and sip some wine. I never want to leave. My sister and her girls came to join us! She lives close by and her husband was working on their new house, so it was great to have the girl time and of course.. Ava and Ellie time!

So excited to see my nieces. My niece Ellie wanted to send me a text after they left that night. My sister walked her through the spelling and she said..."I love you so much i could just explode." Talk about melting my heart.

My beautiful sister and Ava.

Ellie was taking her first 4 wheeler ride, really slow, around the yard. She was so excited. Christopher was her driver! ( What are with the silly bands? Are they like the new age pop beads?)

Uncle Chris making sure everything is fitting perfectly and feels good.

Me and Jen hanging out, enjoying the sun.

Ava found a new friend, Harley!

Once Caleb saw everyone on the 4-wheelers, he had to try a stunt.. on the battery operated one. =)

And so did Ava... no stunt for her though.

Oh boy, does Ellie love her Uncle Chris. She wanted him to take her for rides over and over again. I love that she has lost some teeth and is ready to lose more too.

After a long day, we all pitched tents and camped out. Nothing like our camping trip Memorial Day weekend. We had showers and toilets!

Sunday, we packed up the Jeep and headed to Sacandaga Lake where friends of ours own a small camp on the lake. We haven't seen them that much lately and were missing them, and their (almost a year old) daughter. We hung out by the lake, swam and just thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.

This is the view...

Miss Jaime sporting hot pink!

Out on the boat, sun tired and beach hair. Getting ready for the fireworks.

And the fireworks!

The fireworks show was so wonderful! We were literally sitting right underneath them. All of the lights you see were the boats that had started to collect in the area. When we turned around, we saw hundreds more! It was quite the vision.

I hope you all had just as great holiday and were able to relax!

[ friday finds: Elva Fields ]

2010-07-01T16:57:00.005-04:00

Happy Friday all!

Why is it that when a long, holiday weekend is upon us, the week dragged along like walking in quicksand. Ugh.. i really didn't think this week would end. I'm so looking forward a weekend of fun, friends and relaxation!

Before i head off for some festivities though, i wanted to share these beauties with you! Jewelry designer Elva Fields has some lovely pieces that are sure to spruce up anything you pair them with! I don't think there is one piece that i wouldn't buy. With that said, most of her goodies are out of stock, but i still wanted to share! You will be able to get more {soon i hope} and sass up your own wardrobe.

| source: Elva Fields |

Have a safe and wonderful holiday weekend!

What are your plans?

[ July desktop download ]

2010-07-01T13:37:00.002-04:00

Hi Friends!

Here is a fun new desktop to sassy up your desk!

I swear, i won't even bribe you with it to get your votes. =)

You can just grab it here!

Enjoy and i hope you are having a wonderful day!

[ the squeaky wheel get the oil.... ]

2010-07-01T09:11:00.006-04:00

....or votes?

OK, so i am asking, begging perhaps - for you to vote for our nursery starting on July 14 and going through the 20th. I entered our nursery into a contest on The Bump. Yes, i will remind you again as it gets closer. But, right now you can go ahead and rate nurseries, leave comments and view all the nurseries that are entered.

It is pretty easy, just click here and you can vote!

ETA: i edited the link to make it easier.

And, since i'm in a begging kind of mood, if you are on FB, would you mind casting another vote for our pathetic bathroom closet?

Just click here to vote, and you can enter each day! Thank you, thank you to all those who have voted, and who have emailed me to tell me you voted!

Have a terrific Thursday!

[ the great stroller debate ]

2010-06-30T09:01:00.005-04:00

After i met with Julie and she told us to refocus our stress and frustration onto positive things, i have been trying really hard to do so. I started to revisit the stroller category. I have to say, it is the most overwhelming purchase for some reason. There are so many things to think about including do i want the Chevy model or the Mercedes? I can't get over the price ranges, styles and add-ons!

I am starting a spread sheet to see what car seat will work with what based on styles we like. We seem to gravitate towards a more contemporary body style, i love the bassinet and we both love a 3 wheel. Christopher loves the BOB model because i run, however when we looked at it in LL Bean, it seemed so bulky for everyday use.

Do we get two? Two styles? I'm so overwhelmed, i'm paralyzed in making a decision! Help!

| sources: [1] Bumbleride [2] Quinny by Maxi Cossy [3] BOB jogger [4] Bumbleride, my favorite so far |

What do you have? Do you love it, hate it? Any suggestions for us? Thanks friends!

[ Happy Monday ]

2010-06-29T09:05:00.002-04:00

Yeah, yeah... i know it is Tuesday. However, i need to command+Z yesterday and start all over again! From the very organized point in the morning that i started the day, things went all downhill from there. No biggie, all better today, but i will just pretend that today is the beginning of the week so i can get a good running start!

Like a spaz on legs that i am, we had a super fun weekend, but i forgot my camera. I have some iPhone photos, but not like i want to show, so i have to pass on the weekend tidbits today.

However, i will share that late on Friday i visited my friend Julie. A positive life coach who also reads my charts and gets me back on track when i feel "off".

She told me that over the next 6 weeks my life will start to open up. She didn't say if it was baby related or not, but i didn't ask either. Which is fine. I mean if she says it, it will come true, huh? Not so much. She just gets feelings around me and this was strictly reading my charts. She was able to tell how "off" i had been the past few weeks the minute i walked in the door.

One thing she told Christopher and i to do is when we start getting angry, stressed or frustrated to take that energy and refocus it on making a list of what we want in our nanny. A potential schedule with her and things we are looking forward to doing with the baby. Seems easy right? We are going to try it. Sometimes, it takes such a simple thought and a strong voice to bring me back. I told her i would call her whenever i need a "Julie Injection".

[ free party downloads ]

2010-06-24T08:43:00.004-04:00

Remember my weekend tidbits post where i showed a photo of some pink lemonade? Well, it was a small photo shoot for my good friend Cyd over at The Sweetest Occasion.

I have created some Fourth of July party invites, food signage and some cocktail flags to help add a pop of fun to your summer party! So stop over and download.. enjoy and i would love to see some photos if you end up using them! So please email me if you do! I would love to share with everyone.

Have a super day everyone!

Oh- and thanks so much for the votes on our heinous closet. Keep them coming! It helps us to get more noticed by the judges.

[ please vote for us! ]

2010-06-23T13:48:00.002-04:00

This weekend, we had a wonderful time with our nephew Charlie at his birthday party. It really got us that much more excited about becoming parents. We are hell bent on just trying to not focus on the wait, but just making sure we are as ready as ready can be!

Something i have always wanted to do is remodel our bathroom closet. It is small. The bathroom is small. Christopher and i bump booties if we bent over together in there. It is that small. But, for those that have adopted know especially the financial impact. So, i heard about this contest that California Closets is having! I entered us for a make-over on our bathroom closet. That is all i want. Nothing big, not a ton of work, just a small, skinny closet that is lacking space.

Pretty pathetic, huh?

All you have to do is click here to vote for us!! Thank you, thank you!

[ tidbits from the weekend ]

2010-06-22T09:37:00.008-04:00

This past weekend was my nephew Charlie's first birthday. I swear, he is such a little man. If the wind wasn't blowing his fluffy hair around, you would totally see his comb over. He is tall, and just a solid boy. He feels like a boulder!

Anyway, i wanted to share some photos from his Mickey Mouse (OMG he loves the Mick) party.

He was not holding back getting in the pool. Has no fear of the water! It was like 90 on Saturday anyway, it's no wonder he wanted in asap!

Christopher and I. Yes, his sister made him wear the ears. Funny though, he kept them on pretty much all day. He rocked the ears!

Trying to decide if he liked the cake or not.

Time to wash off. He was NOT happy about it. He really did enjoy the cake afterall.

A fun project i'm working on that took up most of Sunday! Details to follow.

I hope everyone had a fabulous weekend!

[ friday finds: IKEA real living ]

2010-06-18T09:09:00.005-04:00

It is no secret, i love IKEA! The simplicity, the ability to combine each piece with various styles and other pieces and the price! I love browsing through the catalog that ends up wrinkled and doggie eared. We are getting ready to plan another trip too. Oh- and the swedish meatballs? Yummy.
Anyway, i just found this website. I think i must be the last living person to realize it even existed, but it is all about IKEA goodies in the homes of people. Real homes, like me and you! Not propped for photo shoots and not like the store.

| source: IKEA Live |

Have a fabulous weekend! Does anyone have fabulous plans?

[ landscape plan ]

2010-06-17T08:48:00.006-04:00

Part of my post yesterday was living life as normal as possible without basing everything on the "what ifs".

One thing we have been dying to do around the house is all the landscaping. There was nothing done. And believe me when i tell you, nothing. The guy that owned this house had a bizarre passion for cement. There was cement chunks everywhere! I would post photos, but i'm afraid to frighten you all away.

With lots of thinking through the most cost effective and logical ways to take steps to pretty up the curb appeal, we came up with a plan. This will allow us to get moving on pieces of the outside, while staying within a cash budget and keep the projects moving.

If we don't get matched before the end of the summer, we have to have our home study redone and that will cost a pretty penny and take away from our landscaping funds. Unless anyone knows where to get seeds for a money tree?

If we don't have to have our home study redone because we get matched (yay!), then we can move forward with other items.

So here is the basic overview.

You will notice we did plant some of the hydrangea already, but this is the overall plan here for the side of the house, going up the driveway.

So there you have it. Pretty simple huh? We will see about that. I'm afraid of heights, so painting those red spots will be Christopher's job. We have a bunch of clay and rock so digging will be tough. I need to put my pink thumbs away and grab the green ones for the day, or weekend or summer at this rate!

Have a terrific day!

[ i wonder as i wander ]

2010-06-16T08:36:00.007-04:00

After my post last week telling you all how many times our profile has gone out to potential birthmothers, i got some questions from you that i wanted to answer here. Adoption is a very complex process, and i love being able to educate when i can. There are so many intricacies, depending on what state you are adopting from, where the birth parent's live, is it private, domestic or international.

Questions from readers:

Sarah: "So how does it work...do they actually wait until the babies are born to match or do it beforehand? Would they already be finding families for the July babies?"

Answer: The 'match', or us being placed with an infant can happen a couple of different ways. We could get a call just as the baby is being born, we could get a call after the baby is born, or we could get a call before the baby is born that we have been selected to parent the baby. Seems pretty easy huh? Not so much in all instances. If we get matched during her pregnancy, she might ask us to join her at doctor appointments. We might get to see ultrasounds, or she might not even want to meet us.

If we get that call that she is in labor or the baby is born, we better get a move on it! We could potentially be matched in an area where we can drive, or we might have to fly. Depends on the situation and location. That call could come at anytime, any day.

For the potential July babies, the birth mother might not have made her decisions, or she might not have choosen us, or she could be so afraid and decides last minute or after the baby is born. See why it is so hard to plan anything? Plan life in general?

Niki: "Do they have any idea when the birth mothers will make a decision?"

Answer: Unfortunately, no. They can't (and won't force) the mom's to make decisions. If a birthmother calls early on in her pregnancy, she might have done it out of fear of what to do. Then, doesn't decide until she has to, or wants to at the last minute. Our agency is really wonderful and offers counseling to both the birthmother and us should we want or need it.

If i can answer any questions for you, please don't hesitate to ask. If you are going through the process, thinking about going through it or just curious. I'm very open about how we are building our family.

So, all of this begs the question: Where will i be when we the "the call"?

Perhaps i'll be in my office

We leave for Rhode Island in a month. Will we be at the beach?

At the Polo Club watching a match?

Perhaps it will be winter again before we get matched.

It will be as much of a surprise to you as it is to us! That is why it is our goal to live life as "normal" as possible without hinging our decisions on the "what ifs". If we leave town, the agency has to know. They need to get in touch with us at all times. So that aside, that is really the only thing that is out of the ordinary for us. Granted, for travel (and financial reasons) we haven't planned any big trips, but the wondering could go on for another handful of months, or even a year or two. We just never know.

[ A lovely email ]

2010-06-15T12:07:00.003-04:00

It is always nice to get an email like this in your inbox! I never win anything! I swear. OK.. when i was 7, i won an art contest that Barker's was holding for the best drawn Easter Bunny. That was it.

I won $25 from the Container Store! What should i buy? We don't have one local so i have never purchased from there. What do you have that you like?

And, if you have never checked out Domestic Ease, you should do so! It is a great resource.

[ tidbit from the weekend ]

2010-06-15T08:30:00.005-04:00

A gosh darn day late!

Grrr.. there is nothing worse then a great outfit with less than stellar shoes other than no internet when you have lots to do. Yesterday, i felt utterly paralyzed. I had to use a combination of my husband's iPad along with his desktop that has none of my files on it. My computer and the internet were just. not. friends yesterday. So, my ability to post (or lack thereof) pissed me off!

Anyway, the weekend was an utter washout here. We were able to plant one discount tree that we bought, and we were also able to lug home bags upon bags of mulch. My plans to take my nieces to the lake for a birthday party were wrecked by mother nature's inability to realize we are in June and give us some nice swimming weather.

Here are just a couple of highlights! I hope your weekend was relaxing and wonderful!

{Christopher and i heard some banging and knocking to realize that Clemens has found a new "home" in the shelves in the nursery. He was hanging out of the shelves, playing with the toys below. Gotta love that crazy cat.} {Even with the rain, we were able to give Clemens a quick walk, his favorite thing ever.} {One of my favorite mugs from the Tate Modern museum in London, part of my traveling mug collection}

Have a lovely day!

[ Indian Lake camping trip ]

2010-06-11T08:28:00.015-04:00

OK friends, I'm going to skip my Friday Finds this week and share my camping photos with you. Sorry it took me so long to put these up.

Of course, there are stories to go along with. The first being that i never charged my camera battery before we left. Now normally, the battery life is amazing, but since it had been forever since i charged it, i ran out of juice. So, i didn't get nearly as many photos as i wanted to. I resorted to my iPhone, which takes wonderful photos, but that too has a battery life. Since we were in no-man's-land, the battery got sucked up quickly.

I'll never forget when we pulled up, we checked in, and before the forest rangers would let us launch the boats we got "the talk". Yes..."the talk". Not about being loud and obnoxious and not about where to swim and where not to. This talk was about bears and coyotes. At that very moment, Bronwyn and I were ready to run, not walk to the nearest hotel. Which, where we were would have taken all weekend to walk to anyway.

So we listen. Here is what we were told.

Forest Ranger: " You must not sleep in any clothes you cook in. You must not have any clothes in your tent that you have cooked in. You must bag them up and hang from a tree or put them in your boat." {ok. gulp} The bears will smell them out and come into your tent!

Forest Ranger: " You must not leave beer cans, soda cans or any other juice containers out at night." Bears recognize them and will destroy your campsite.

Forest Ranger: "You must wash all dishes before bed, and dump any greasy water down the pit toilet. The bears can still smell the scent of food even in the water."

Forest Ranger: "You must put all coolers in your boat at night." Ok, seriously? We had 12 coolers. 12!! We ended up lining them up each night and covering with a tarp, and putting large rocks on them.

We also had a dog with us. A little maltese. We were also told to make sure that Harley (the dog) stayed with us at all times because the coyotes could get him.

Me: "you have got to be effin kidding me." I'm outta here!
OK, not really.. i stayed, we had lots of fun, no bears (that we saw anyway) and tons of fond memories.

Looking at the lake from the docks. It was gorgeous all weekend long.

Someone did not want his photo taken. This is one of my friend's twins. They are 2 and a half, their first camping trip and they were amazing the entire time!

Bronwyn, me and Jenn... hanging by the docks, waiting for everything to be loaded into the boats.

Chilling waiting for the boat to come back and pick us up. With 12 people, 12 coolers, and lots of gear, the 2 boats had to make 2 trips to get everything to the island.

Pretty Kelcey (Bronwyn's 10 year old daughter) getting excited. This was her first camping trip with her brother Jesse, and also she went tubing for the first time.

Brownyn and i waiting for our boat. We started having cocktails at this point.

Our mini tent all set up!

Christopher helping Brownyn's husband set up their mansion! Seriously, their tent was huge.

Seriously, look at all of our crap! You would have thought we were there for a week!

Breakfast is a must!

Jesse caught his first fish, in his polar bear fleece pajamas! Can't beat that!

My husband, master pyro. I swear he can't ever leave the fire alone! He does it at home too when we have a fire in the living room.

The twins, making smores.

And... to keep it real, Bronwyn and I, unshowered at day 3. But you know what? It was totally fine, worth the fun and it has always been on my bucket list to rough it in the woods.

And we did!

So, i think i have had enough camping for the season. Next trip to Rhode Island will be on the beach, in a house, with indoor AND outdoor showers.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

[ question from a reader ]

2010-06-10T08:47:00.003-04:00

Eep! I don't know how this comment made it to my spam folder, as i try and reply to everyone, so i apologize Lisa.

Back when we did our weekend assignment of painting our fireplace, she asked:

"Just curious, where is your DVD player and cable box? Are they hiding somewhere? I'm always curious about where people place them when the tv is over the fireplace."

Here is your answer, and again, i apologize for the delay!

My husband is a network engineer, so i'm lucky that he knows his stuff about wiring. So, he actually has our network of wireless, cable goodies and whatever other "nerd gear" he needed in the basement. He pulled wire down the wall of the chimney by cutting a hole and snaking it down to the basement. (If you look closely, you can see the outlet boxes next to the french door on the right.) We actually don't have cable anymore, so we use his PS3 to stream Netflix, HuLu and whatever else. That sits behind the t.v so it is somewhat hidden. Before we got rid of cable though, he had also run wire and cable on an adjacent wall and our cable box and PS3 player sat on a bookshelf.

If our house was new, it would be been done during the building phase. But since it is so old, we had to do it this way. I helped and it sucks, but the results are well worth it!

I hope that helps!

Now... i need to get my butt in gear and share some camping photos that are long overdue.

[ name this piece ]

2010-06-09T08:33:00.001-04:00

Does anyone happen to know where this is from?

I just saw it on The Lettered Cottage and there is no source information. Boo-hoo.

[ my birthday wish ]

2010-06-08T12:32:00.002-04:00

The one and only wish.

I bet you can guess. I'm OK with sharing, i'm not superstitious. Well.. that is a lie. Ladders and black cats freak me the heck out. Black cats are too cute to look at, but please don't cross me.

You might remember at about the 4 month mark of our wait, i talked to our coordinator at the agency.

We are now in the 8th month . I can't lie. It is getting progressively harder. I don't care what anyone says or the advice people try and give, there is nothing that will take my mind off of the wait. So each day that passes, each month we spend more money, I am a big ball of emotional mess. There, i said it.

Underneath my happy go-lucky attitude i am weeping. I am a combination of pissed, and heartbreak that it hasn't happened. I have envy that some friends have experienced an entire pregnancy already and upset to see my Christopher upset with the wait.

I wished for a quick match. I didn't wish for a baby, because i know he or she will find us. I just wished for the wait to be over. I wished to have my life filled with the missing piece.

So, with all of this, i talked again to our coordinator. Here is the latest since January.
Our profile was shipped out 3 times in February, 2 times in March, 3 times in April and once in May. She can't give specifics because of HIPA, but most of the babies are due in July, one in September and in November. Also, interestingly, 75% are not local. I can't get my hopes up, but for now, it is a piece of something for us to hang onto.

[ tidbits from the weekend ]

2010-06-07T08:41:00.013-04:00

Monday already? Really? The one thing i loathe is trying to start a knowingly long and stressful work week after a fabulous weekend. It is so hard to get going knowing what i am up against. But... nevertheless, i do it and enjoy it.

I had a great weekend! My birthday was yesterday and i really can't believe that i am officially closer to 40 now. Eeek! But one of my little life mottos is: "Age is just a number, you aren't old until you feel old." So I am sticking with that.

Friday night we sat on our new patio furniture, enjoyed wine and food and played scrabble until the wee hours of the night. It was awesome. Saturday, i really wanted to continue working on our landscaping. I'll post photos along with the ultimate plan. I'm really excited about it all. Then, my husband was so sweet. He social organized to have some friends come over to have dinner. They all cooked, brought delish wines, my favorite ice-cream cake and gifts. They were all so sweet and i loved that Christopher took care of everything.

Yesterday, after church we went to lunch and came home and relaxed. The weather was awful here with typhoon like rain. We were going to go see a movie, but decided it would be much more fun to come home and relax, eat leftover ice-cream cake and lounge around here. It was perfect!

Here are some photos for you.

My friend Bronwyn and her daughter Kelcey.

Some of the yummy food!

Bronwyn, Kelcey and me! (with the fabulous necklace that the girls gave me)

This series came from us teaching Kelcey to use the sports setting on our camera. If you hold the button down, it will just keep clicking so you can get fast action shots. However, i think it was designed for...well... sports. Not necessarily 2 goofy blondes having too much wine and making funny poses. But who cares, we had a blast!

I am sure you can all imagine what i wished for when i blew out my candles. I really hope my birthday wishes come true. This weekend was just what i needed to take my mind of the wait. Each day that goes by, it gets progressively harder.

Have a great week!

[ friday finds: Cut + Paste ]

2010-06-04T08:37:00.003-04:00

If you have been reading my blog for a bit, you will know that i love Etsy. I could sit and browse all day long. The talent and creativity that oozes from that site is simply awesome.
I recently came across Cut + Paste. An online shop that offers all sorts of goodies from artists, designers and crafters worldwide. Sort of like Etsy. Check it out, there are some fun finds there!

I hope you all have a great weekend! My birthday is Sunday, so i'm looking forward to relaxing and having Christopher taking care of all the social organizing!

[ if only... ]

2010-06-03T14:50:00.003-04:00

I had a house big enough for a laundry room this big, i think i would find laundry to do.

| via: Decor*Pad |

[ a pancake party ]

2010-06-02T06:26:00.005-04:00

I love pancakes. Chocolate chip pancakes to be exact. My birthday is Sunday, wouldn't it be swell if my hubby did this for me?

| source: Daisy Pink Cupcake |

Have a marvelous Wednesday.

What was your best birthday gift or most memorable birthday?

[ free download}

2010-06-01T09:53:00.003-04:00

Camping was amazing! I won't lie. I also will say, that i won't be doing it again for quite awhile. Pretty contradictory, huh? While it was amazing, it was a ton of work, i got so many bug bites and it was warm but windy. So of course, i spent the weekend in sweats.

I am trying to play catch up today on emails and work, so i haven't had a moment to download my photos yet. I will do that later. So in the meantime, here is a new desktop for June to spruce things up around your office! It includes a quote by Ralph Marston from Great Day.

Get your copy here!

I hope you all had a great holiday weekend!

[friday finds: Sugar B. Baby]

2010-05-28T07:51:00.005-04:00

Happy Friday friends! I'm signing off early today to take a long weekend for that {ahem} fun camping trip! But, i couldn't leave without sharing the cutest baby hats, ever! I am not even sure how i found this site, but it is small and sweet with just a few selections. However, a few is all you need. They are just too darling!
Check them out.

| source: Sugar B. Baby |

Have a great weekend! I'll be back Tuesday with photos from our camping trip.

What do you all have planned for this holiday? Relaxing? Bbq?

[ the unofficial start to summer ]

2010-05-27T08:37:00.002-04:00

Christopher and i went for a long walk this morning and were saying how great it is, {and almost to good to be true} that the weekend looks perfect for our camping trip this weekend. Thank goodness! We also realized it is the unofficial start to summer and it feels so good. Winter felt so darn long in upstate this year.

Anyway, wanted to share with everyone here, a free shipping sale at my boutique! Happy shopping! {of course, we will ship to Canada too} :-)

Enjoy the day and the sunshine!

{ am i really doing this to myself? ]

2010-05-26T07:41:00.006-04:00

We are leaving to go camping this Friday morning, for 3 nights and 4 days. Great! Fun! I love to camp. In an R.V, or at a state campground with a shower and toilet.

See how happy i am? This was a few years ago, at a state campground. Weather was perfect and toilets were plenty!

This is Indian Lake, NY. Pretty, right? I'm quite certain, my experience won't be this glamorous. Our site is on an island, accessible by boat and we have never been before.

So... there are no showers, pit toilets included and i learned yesterday that there are plenty of black flies to go around. So Christopher emailed me telling me we should purchase these before we leave.

So, i'm not sure if God is testing my patience, girlieness or what - but i told Christopher next trip will include embroidered robes and a shower. I guess i have some good friends and cocktails to look forward to. Oh! And no cell reception, so we have to leave the main number for the agency just incase we get a call. They always need to know when we are away from home.

[ free download}

2010-05-25T09:04:00.003-04:00

Sharing some love here!

I just adore cards in the mail. There is nothing like it. I mean, email and texts are fabulous and all, but there is still something so darn fun about getting a card in the mail. In fact, my birthday is quickly approaching and i don't even care about gifts, i love getting cards in the mail from my family and friends! And because they know i'm such an addict, i get some of the sassiest cards.

Anyway, i created this simple and sweet 'hello' note to share.

Simply download, print on your favorite stock and write away! This will fit into any A2 envelope.

•••

Get yours here.

Have a fabulous day and be sure to enjoy the sunshine!

[ weekend tidbits ]

2010-05-24T07:32:00.012-04:00

Good morning and happy Monday! I hope everyone had an amazing weekend. I was so surprised with the fabulous weather, and my only hope is that it will last through the weekend as we are totally roughing it, camping for 4 days. Eeeck!

I still can't believe i have been up for a couple of hours already after being up so late watching LOST! Did anyone else see it? I nearly fell asleep, but i forced myself to stay up only for a "so-so" ending. But, i digress.

Here is the weekend in photos.

On Saturday, we went to see our niece play softball. Longest, game ever! They were so cute though.

Lunch on the river where these beauties greeted us.

Sunday we went to our local farmer's market. Clemens apparently wanted to go too! We bought some amazing muffins (that didn't last long) and lots of fruits and veggies!

The weekend ended with the marathon of LOST, and our favorite home made nachos to go along with!

So, what did you all do this weekend? Relax, travel or house projects?

[ friday finds:Stewart/Stand ]

2010-05-21T06:12:00.004-04:00

Good morning friends and happy, happy Friday! I am more than happy it is Friday. Being away for the beginning of the week totally made the rest of the week feel "off", and made me so busy i had a hard time catching up and coming up for air!

This Friday's find, is a group of contemporary accessories that are both contemporary and functional; For both men and women They sort of look like space objects to me, but still kind of fun with the right outfit i suppose. I kind of like the silver clutch! There is one store in Brooklyn {*wink, wink* to @bkyln} with more to come!

| source: Stewart/Stand|

Have a fabulous weekend!

[ i found my inner green thumb ]

2010-05-20T08:40:00.008-04:00

This past weekend, i threw my pink finger to the wind and dug right in - literally!

We decided to really get serious about changing the landscaping of our home (well, to be honest, there wasn't much to change. It sucked) and also add some curb appeal. It is only our third summer here, but last year we were knee deep in the nursery renovation and our home study. Since our plan is to move in a few years, we figured this was going to take some time and money. We may as well start chiseling away at it.

So here is the start. I have been begging Christopher to move that darn pink tree to the other side of the house. The plan is to plant bushes flanking each side of the entry. Where it currently was, it grows right in the way. It is pretty and all, but that wasn't a good spot for it.

So we had to first dig up an ugly, sort of blah (probably close to dead) shrub on the end. Here was our victory with the axe!

After much fighting (with the tree to be sure to not kill it in the transplant) and feeling sort of like Wonder Woman, here is the replanted tree. It really took that long, the sun had moved, so the photo is sort of dark.

We shaped the shrubs, and started sketching out a plan for the rest of the front. I *think* we have it and i'm so excited! We also had someone come look at the steps to estimate covering them in bluestone. He can also replace the columns for us all in the same day! I'm so thrilled and excited. It is going to be a huge change. And... we don't have to do the work! Quite honestly, i'm not sure who we thought we were by even thinking of attempting it. LOL

We also started some planting along the side of the house. We dug up all the old yucky stuff and started planting hydrangeas. You can see in the back where i still need to finish.

I'll be anxious to show the transformation throughout the summer, so keep your eyes out for updates. I then put away my green thumb and grabbed an aged bottle of Ommegang beer. Boy did that hit the spot!

Have a terrific Thursday!

[ home sweet home ]

2010-05-19T10:45:00.005-04:00

I got home from the National Stationery Show late last night and it felt good to be home, with my hubby and cats. I love, love NYC, but it was a busy couple of days and sometimes i just want to stop and breathe and i feel like you can't there. I met so many networking friends, saw so many new products, ate some yummy food and of course, did some shopping!

While i am putting together my weekend assignment post from last weekend, here are some goodies i picked up at Anthropologie's fabulous sale. I could have spent tons of moola there, i think Deborah and i had an entire wardrobe in our arms to try on.

|source: Anthropologie - {shirt, dress, pants} |

Hope you are having a great day!

OH- to my newest follower Amy, did your friend have fun at the show? It was uh-maz-ing!!

[ tidbits from the weekend ]

2010-05-16T19:23:00.005-04:00

It is rare that we do nothing on the weekends. Even though we are always on the go, with the largest laundry list of things to do and people to see, i wouldn't have it any other way! I have a hard time sitting still and just "being". I also realized how many photos i take along the way. So, i decided to start sharing more of them with you all!
I'd like to call it "Tidbits from the weekend". I hope you enjoy!

I am now on my way to NYC to the National Stationery Show, so i won't be around tomorrow, but will look forward to reporting all the fun things i find when i get back, as well as sharing a weekend assignment with you all! Have a great next couple of days and see you soon!

{Clemens enjoying the planer, some greenery around the yard and we work on our landscaping and my ever so healthy whole wheat bagel slathered with cream cheese.... mmmmmm.....}

[ friday finds:Sugarloop ]

2010-05-14T08:35:00.005-04:00

Happy Friday everyone!

I just wanted to take a moment and get all mushy on you and thank my newest followers. I look forward to getting to know all of you! Also, thank you all so much for your wonderful comments on our nursery. Christopher and i put our hearts and soul into a very special room for a very special baby. It helped to distract us too from the wait. {sort of}.

So...now onto this week's fun find!

I have actually had this link stored for quite some time to share and kept forgetting about it. I don't know how since these pieces of artwork are just so beautiful and unique. I just love the way Bernadette uses good ol' pigment dyes to create her illustrations along with a gocco machine, which from experience i can confirm is no easy task!

Enjoy her artwork.

| source: Sugarloop |

This weekend is full of fun, friends and food! Then i have to pack because i'm headed to NYC for the National Stationery Show for 2 days! So exciting and can you say paper heaven?

Have a great weekend all!